My favourite skeletons

My favourite skeletons

People who are scared of skeletons are idiots. Skeletons are awesome, not least because they make a xylophone noise when they run. I like skeletons so much that we have a life size one in our spare room. His name is Juan and he wears a Santa hat. I’m not going to answer any further questions.

Also – I don’t want to alarm you, but you might have a skeleton living in your body right now.

Anyway, instead of doing the washing up I’ve decided to write a list of my favourite skeletons.

Papyrus (Undertale)

papyrus prepared

To which everyone immediately replies “But what about Sans!?!”. Fuck off. Sans is too good and I can’t beat him. His brother, on the other hand, was nice enough to go on a date with me even though he didn’t like me that way, and consistently fails to do the ‘Junior Jumble’ puzzle in the paper. He goes round in homemade fancy dress, and only wants to capture you so he can make some friends. Don’t get me started on his ‘Cool Dude’ t-shirt. Continue reading “My favourite skeletons”

Shit and terrifying football mascots

Shit and terrifying football mascots

I’ll be honest, this post is just an attempt to make me feel less shit about supporting Leeds.

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Anyway, I keep telling myself that supporting Leeds is better than supporting a team with a literal pair of bollocks as a mascot (more on that later). That’s what I keep telling myself, as I cry into my gin.

So to cheer myself up, I’d like to show you some shit and terrifying mascots that still somehow manage to be brilliant.

Fun fact: I’ve met one of these guys, can you guess which one? (Hint: It’s Boiler Man.)

1. Help, It Burns!

Kingsley Partick Thistle

AKA Kingsley from Partick Thistle. This is why people in Scotland have to do heroin all the time. Continue reading “Shit and terrifying football mascots”

My crappy badge collection

My crappy badge collection

Apologies for the lack of posts recently. Three reasons:

1. Been to Wales to visit family, and everyone knows they don’t have the internet in Wales.

2. Been sorting out an allotment as part of my ongoing Arthur Fowler cosplay.

3. I’m just getting over flu, and today I feel like I’ve been hit in the face with an alsatian or similar.

Anyway, while I was in Wales, I stood in a shop and said to myself ‘You know what would be a really good idea and definitely not a waste of money? Buying a dozen shit badges.’ So that’s what I did.

Don’t go with a stranger

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The badge is right. Trust me. I talked to a stranger the other week, and they turned out to be boring as fuck and then I couldn’t get away without being rude.

The badge doesn’t say anything about not going off with multiple strangers. Continue reading “My crappy badge collection”

Rainbow episode review: In space no one can hear you in space

In this episode, the lads go to space for the afternoon. It’s not super realistic, but the bits filmed in space are pretty good.

Let’s begin. We’re thrown straight into the action, as everyone teleports onto a random planet and then acts a bit confused as if they were expecting to be at Lidl.

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“This isn’t Lidl,” says Bungle. “There isn’t even a tights ‘n’ bra section for Jane.” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: In space no one can hear you in space”

The shelf of shit

The shelf of shit

It’s occurred to me that I’ve become a hoarder. However, I’ve become a hoarder of awesome stuff, so there’s no need for me to go on one of those TV shows where they wee in a shoe and cook with a candle because they need to own all the copies of Railway Enthusiast ever published.

I like to think of myself as a curator rather than a hoarder. Hoarding is for people like my other half, which is why we have a box full of old phone chargers that “we might need one day”. If we ever invent time travel and really, really need to charge a phone to, I don’t know, text the boy band A1.

Anyway, I’ve decided to gather some of my best objets d’art and display them on a shelf, so you can look at them and go “hmmmm”, as if you were in a real museum, and not sat at home looking at my shit blog.

I present – the shelf of shit!

shelf of shit

OK, I’ll comment on each section. I’ve numbered them, but if you can’t figure out which ones I’m referring to, you’re a bit of a div. Continue reading “The shelf of shit”

A girls’ night in with the Echo Falls Girls’ Night In kit

A girls’ night in with the Echo Falls Girls’ Night In kit

Lads, I’ve had an idea, and it’s going to be great. Look what I got at the supermarket:

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It’s a super fun Girls’ Night In kit, and I’m going to use it to have a super fun Girls’ Night In.

According to the box, this is everything you need to have fun for an entire evening. Disclaimer: the box does not say that, but it’s pretty heavily implied. Continue reading “A girls’ night in with the Echo Falls Girls’ Night In kit”