Crap Cups part 2: The Pope and Jason Donovan

Crap Cups part 2: The Pope and Jason Donovan

Welcome back to my showcase of cups that prove people shouldn’t be allowed money or cups. Let me tell you – if my readers ever invite someone back for coffee, their guest is going to have the choice of a porcelain cock, or proof that their date was once runner up in a skittles tournament.

Let’s crack on!

“Dirty Harry, but in a nice pastel stripe way” (from John Johnston)

John Johnston Dirty Harry, but in a nice pastel stripe way

A thought provoking mug that asks the question “Are you fucking looking at me?” (from Neil Ramskill)

neil ramskill Continue reading “Crap Cups part 2: The Pope and Jason Donovan”

World of Crap reviews cereal part 2

World of Crap reviews cereal part 2

I’m back on with cereal again, picking up from our whistlestop tour of milk mulched memories.

Another round up for you now, this time from later childhood…

Frosties

Frosties are to Corn Flakes as Ricicles (Gawd rest em!) were to Rice Krispies. The sugared up, extra crunchy, enamel eroding, waist ballooning version.

“They’re Grrrreeaat!”

Look at Tony, just look at him. That’s the sexual imprint primogenitor of Deviant Art right there. Between him and Thundercats this is why thirty years later we’re all strangle wanking dressed as cats with six breasts. You see Kellogg’s never planned for that when they put sugar on Cornflakes (blessed be their eternal golden form). Continue reading “World of Crap reviews cereal part 2”

A celebration of crap cups

A celebration of crap cups

All my cups are fucking boring. Most are beige, and they have “tea” or some other nonsense written on them.

Since I’m too lazy to go out and buy some more interesting cups, I figured I’d ask you guys if you had any wonderful objets d’art lying around. You did. My complete fucking surprise.

You guys have so many beautiful cups, in fact, that I’m going to have to split this post up (so if your cup isn’t here, it will be).

So, do you want to spend your Friday night looking at shit novelty cups? Of course you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this.

1. Terry Wogan is your friend (from Catt Weazle)

daily mail catt weazle
Continue reading “A celebration of crap cups”

Bungle’s mental breakdowns

Bungle’s mental breakdowns

You know what would cheer us all up today? Watching Bungle losing his shit and having a nervous breakdown. Luckily, I’ve got a banging selection of clips for your perusal featuring Ursa Idiotus throwing his weight about, crying, and generally being a tit.

Observe…

Wanting to be Jill

“I demand to be Jill, and you better believe I’m going to molest my own nipples if this doesn’t happen! And if it does.”

To be fair, it is quite hard to be menacing when you’re wearing such a lovely hat. Luckily, the answer to this problem is to give Bungle an even lovelier hat. Continue reading “Bungle’s mental breakdowns”

World of Crap reviews cereal

World of Crap reviews cereal

I’m now World of Crap’s food correspondent, this wasn’t deliberate or planned but this will be my fourth post about some manner of grub and everyone knows if you do something three times it’s official and set in stone.

I’m going to be covering the cereals of my own personal youth, much in the style of every other post I’ve done, this is very much my own personal experience. Doubtless though, many will be the commenters who “can’t believe you missed out Sugar Frosted Chocolate Fucknuggets! Because they were the best and you’re a terrible human being for not having retrospectively eaten this during your childhood. The past is likewise unfortunately set in stone.

I will do further cereals in subsequent articles, and if I haven’t already tried a given cereal I will buy, eat and write about it just for you. I will likewise gain a stone.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day; we’re told this along with other advice like “don’t swim after eating” and “take your finger out of there and wash your hands this instant!”. ‘Break’ ‘fast’ you see? You’re no longer fasting so you’re breaking it. Because you’ve been asleep all night and not eating. That counts as a fast, well done!

Corn Flakes

corn flakes

(Editor’s note – only psychopaths put strawberries on their Corn Flakes.) Continue reading “World of Crap reviews cereal”

The art of being rad

The art of being rad

It might surprise you to know that I wasn’t a rad kid. I am, however, a rad adult. A radult, if you will. Therefore, I am now the internet’s leading authority on being rad.

Let me take you through an awesome and rad day in the life of a rad kid, from skateboarding out of bed to skateboarding back into bed. But be warned – IT’S RAD TO THE MAX!

World of Crap is not responsible for any deaths that occur from over-radness.

7.00: Wake up from your awesome and rad dream, about beating Mario to death with Sonic’s trainers while that one from Saved By The Bell looks on. Think briefly about parachute pants.

7.15: Stick baseball cap to head with green hair gel. Gaze at Paula Abdul poster. Paula approves of your baseball cap.

7.30: Decide on outfit for the day.

shellsuits Continue reading “The art of being rad”

Wrestling figures give lifestyle advice

Wrestling figures give lifestyle advice

I’ve adopted some more action figures. I don’t really know who any of them are, but they’re all wrestlers and they all have interesting facial expressions and pants.

And what better use for wrestling figures than to have them share their household and fashion tips with you? I can’t think of anything, so that’s what I’ve decided to do. Let’s crack on!

Arsey Malcolm

arsey malcolm

Arsey Malcolm got his name by being a bit arsey with people, and also because his arse is at the front. His signature move is telling people to hurry the fuck up at cashpoints.

Arsey Malcolm says: “Don’t over-fill bin bags. About 3/4 full is good.” Continue reading “Wrestling figures give lifestyle advice”