14 classic toys you wanted for Christmas

14 classic toys you wanted for Christmas

Hello. I like remembering things, and so do you. That’s why I’ve put together another list of classic toys, up to some of which you might have wanted for Christmas.

If you remember these then, yeah. Good for you.

Disclaimer: If you never got these, your parents didn’t love you. Sorry and all that.

Choose Your Dinner

choose your dinner

Balls Of Death

Balls of death

Fisher Price Disabled Knee

Fisher Price Knee Scabs

Kill It With Fucking Fire

kill it with fucking fire

Lovely Ballsacks

scrota

Fisher Price My First Sex Line

My first sex line

No Fucking Clue

No fucking idea

My Mum Warned Me Not To Do That At Night

My mum warned me to stop doing that

Oh Shit It’s Dead

Oh shit it's dead

Sasha Grey Viewmaster

Sasha grey viewmaster

Quick Stab Its Arse!

quick stab its arse

You Wot M8

You wot m8

Your Parents Hate You

your parents hate you

Fuck Off Kid, I’m Busy

fuck off kid

 

Fin.

18 terrifying coin op rides

18 terrifying coin op rides

I’m a bit obsessed with old coin-op rides. For a mere 20p, you can have the thrill of sitting there and going up and down, or round and round. Sometimes you even get to sit next to a celebrity like Postman Pat.

While there are some rides that are quite rightly considered classics (more on that here), there are others that are… less nice. These rides cost 20p and your immortal soul.

Warning: Try not to read this sober. Or at all.

1. “Help, kill it with fire”

clown

Why is it in an office. Continue reading “18 terrifying coin op rides”

Rainbow episode review: extinction rebellion

Rainbow episode review: extinction rebellion

You know that group that goes round shouting that the world’s going to end in 6 minutes if you don’t stop farting? I think they got the idea from this episode, only instead of writing letters like the Rainbow gang, they decided to shout at broccoli instead.

Let’s begin. The gang are having a lovely afternoon out at their local… nature.

1

Geoffrey, Zippy and George are enjoying themselves. I’m sure Bungle is too, it’s just that he can’t do the expression. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: extinction rebellion”

Healthy Living Direct: face protein and foot tampons

Healthy Living Direct: face protein and foot tampons

Got this catalogue in a TV guide the other week:

cover

Now that I am a middle aged ball of pessimism and lard, I find myself viewing these catalogues as “quite good actually – you can scoff, but do you have adequate lumbar support?”

With that disclaimer out of the way, I still reserve the right to take the piss out of these catalogues, on the grounds that they’re a bit shit. Continue reading “Healthy Living Direct: face protein and foot tampons”

The failed handstand: A photo story

The failed handstand: A photo story

I’ve written a few posts about my inability to do anything that involved any physical skill, or any sort of skill. This story sums up that ineptitude nicely, and you also get to laugh at my hair.

As a child I could never do handstands, cartwheels, or anything that involved being upside down/not being a moron. That didn’t stop me trying; like a plucky little soldier I never gave up. And one time, my lovely parents decided to capture the experience for posterity. Let me guide you through my epic tale – “Some useless kid tries to do a handstand”.

1. The journey begins

8782988

Look at the determination on my deluded little face. There I stand, rubbing my hands together with confident glee, safe in the knowledge that I’m definitely going to bloody do it this time, despite having failed the previous 4000 times. Continue reading “The failed handstand: A photo story”