Some childhood photos I found

I was rummaging through my files earlier this week, and I came across some photos showing me at my snotty, mulleted best.

The first is of me radding out like the Queen of Radland:


Please note my banging Turtles ensemble, complete with what I think was a shit knock off Turtles baseball cap with a transfer on it. Could also be Rainbow, I had a few. I wish the ‘Computer – enhance!’ thing they do on TV really existed. Continue reading “Some childhood photos I found”

Rainbow episode review: Rocket Man

The moral of today’s episode is ‘Why do something when you can get someone else to do it for you?’ Also, Geoffrey’s shirt. Fucking hell lads.

We begin pleasantly enough. Bungle, Zippy and George have trashed the living room with their clutter and bullshit. We’ll get to that, but first I must show you the shirt, so we all know what we’re dealing with:

shirt 2

As if Geoffrey owns an even better shirt than his Saved By The Bell opening credits one.

Geoffrey informs the others that “Have you forgotten? We’re going swimming? We need to hurry up!” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Rocket Man”

How to pull a sickie

You know how it is – you stayed up late last night, because you had to watch American Gladiators at midnight, because you’re poor and don’t have a long play video recorder. On top of that, you’ve got PE this morning, and you don’t want to run around in your cullottes losing at rounders with your fat on display.

There’s only one thing for it – start developing that dicky tummy you definitely had last night. Maybe you had some gone off turkey drummers? Or maybe you caught something from your friend who your mum thinks is “a bit common”.

Whatever – you’re now at death’s door and can’t go to school.

1 Continue reading “How to pull a sickie”

10 terrifying idents

10 terrifying idents

Idents are fascinating aren’t they? By ‘fascinating’, I mean ‘hideous and disturbing a lot of the time’. Having said that, I’m not much of a judge of what’s scary – when I was a kid I was terrified of Max Headroom, and an antiques shop my dad used to take me in.

My mental defects aside, the world of idents is a strange one, one where the creators appear to have carte blanche to spew out the contents of their nightmares, as long as it gets people’s attention.

Here are 10 idents that have helped shape me into the rational, well adjusted adult I am today. Continue reading “10 terrifying idents”

Duvet covers of the 80s and 90s

Hello, how are you? I am fine. I won’t lie, this one is just an excuse to crack open my old Argos catalogues again. It was raining outside and I was trying to avoid the dog, so I started pissing about with them in order to look busy. I thought it might be fun to show you all the cool and rad duvet covers I found.

As a kid, your duvet performs many important functions:

  • roof of a den
  • something to sulk under
  • status symbol
  • playing ‘sausage rolls’
  • something to lie under while drinking Lucozade and gazing disinteresedly at Kilroy

Most of my duvet covers were hand-me-downs from my older sisters, but that didn’t stop me flicking through catalogues, dreaming of being able to cover my bed with Sonic the Hedgehog, She-Ra or similar. And now I’m 34, so I am only allowed to have flowers on my duvet covers. It is the law.

Anyway, take a look at these bad boys…

Action duvet covers

action duvet covers Continue reading “Duvet covers of the 80s and 90s”

A Matey Bubble Bath Bonanza

You know what kids love? Lanolin and hexachlorophene. I know I did when I was a kid, which is why I spent so much time in the bath whenever my parents bought Matey.

I’m a sucker for novelty bubble baths, which is a shame because now I’m 34, I have to use things like ‘lettuce and pinecone scrub-me-down’. Joke’s on them though – I still buy Matey. Being an adult can sod off.

matey main

I’ve just got why Matey was originally a sailor bottle. After 34 years. Continue reading “A Matey Bubble Bath Bonanza”