Rainbow episode review: Keep your hands to yourself

Rainbow episode review: Keep your hands to yourself

This episode is about touching things, feeling things up, and generally molesting things. I don’t know what it’s called, but it’s probably not called ‘Molesting Things’.

The gang have a cat. This is never explained, and is never mentioned again. This happens sometimes, like when Geoffrey married Bungle and they had a baby.

Geoffrey looks happy to have a cat. Bungle is wondering how he can eat the cat without Geoffrey noticing.


The cat’s like “I don’t want to alarm you, but there’s a man in a bear suit over there, and this is not standard. Call the police, I’ll try to act natural.” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Keep your hands to yourself”

Name that TV theme answers

Name that TV theme answers

Thanks to everyone who appreciated Ed’s obvious genius and skill – if you’d like a part 2 let me know. Anyway, here are the answers:

1. The A Team

2. Game Of Thrones

3. Rainbow

4. Last Of The Summer Wine

5. Ski Sunday

6. Neighbours

7. The Apprentice

8. BBC News

9. Bullseye

10. Blockbusters

Thank you for playing. To say thank you, here is a picture of George in a homemade judge’s wig.


“Are all fish belongs to fish?”: Answering Vintage Yahoo Questions

“Are all fish belongs to fish?”: Answering Vintage Yahoo Questions

Here are three stupid things I’ve done:

1. The other day I spent ten minutes looking for something that was in my hand.

2. I was in my 30s before I realised the outdoor bits on Rainbow were filmed indoors.

3. I once needed help opening a bin because I thought it was robotic. It wasn’t.

Given this, it warms my heart to know that there are other idiots in the world. Back in the day I used to collect mental questions people had asked on Yahoo answers. If you’re unfamiliar with it, Yahoo Answers is like Quora, but for people with steam coming out of their vaginas (I’ll get to that).

I stumbled across my collection the other day, so I’d like to share some of my best findings with you. I might attempt to answer them, I might not. Depends how much wine I drink.


Answer: Do what I do – own one bra, never take it off. Occasionally find Hula Hoops in there.

caps lock

Answer: I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THIS AS WELL PLEASE. Continue reading ““Are all fish belongs to fish?”: Answering Vintage Yahoo Questions”

Name that TV theme featuring Ed the rubber chicken

Name that TV theme featuring Ed the rubber chicken

The other day we welcomed a new addition to our family:

Ed photo

Ed is a rubber chicken from the pound shop. Some uneducated fools might suggest that Ed is a dog toy – he is no such thing. Ed is a beloved pet/objet d’art/provider of musical accompaniment.

Anyway, after we’d finished off the terrible booze from last Friday night, we discovered that Ed was a beautiful singer, and that gave us a brilliant idea. We’ve got Ed to help us with a game of ‘Name that classic TV theme’ for your enjoyment.

Below are videos of Ed singing ten different TV themes, and you guys can try guessing them if you want. Leave your guesses in the comments below, and if anyone gets them all right then… well, quite frankly I’ll be amazed. Continue reading “Name that TV theme featuring Ed the rubber chicken”

Drinking the worst booze in the world

Drinking the worst booze in the world

On Friday night we went to Tesco. That was our second mistake. Our first mistake was going to B&M before we went to Tesco.

We went out to buy wrapping paper, but came back with proof that neither of us should be allowed out without supervision.


This haul was a result of standing there laughing and going “I dare you to drink that”. The skeleton mask isn’t really relevant, I just wanted to buy it so I did.

Anyway, because deep down we hate ourselves, we decided it would be fun to get shitfaced by drinking stuff that’s two steps up from prison slop bucket moonshine. One of them might actually contain washing powder, we’re not sure.

The plan was fiendishly simple: get a bit hammered on the worst booze in the world and watch shit on Youtube. NOTHING COULD GO WRONG. Continue reading “Drinking the worst booze in the world”

Rainbow episode review: While you were sleeping

Rainbow episode review: While you were sleeping

You know what’s overrated? Getting out of bed. Yet the propaganda merchants at Rainbow will have you believe that something other than disappointment awaits you. This is clearly a lie.

To be fair to them, they do immediately present the only reason to get out of bed – Bungle is in the bed with you.


I’d rather get up than lie there in Bungle’s piss and shit.

Meanwhile, Geoffrey is preparing to face the horrors of the day. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: While you were sleeping”