We like toys, and we visit far too many weird discount shops. As a result, we’re amassing quite the collection of shit toy packaging. And by shit I mean brilliant. Observe:
1. Farm exploiter
New edition! Now with flashing enter!
I loved exploiting farms when I was a kid. Especially farms full of giant albino livestock.
2. Psy doll
I’m not sure why he has a bow in his hair. Also –
3. PDC World Championship police thing
Ever wanted to play ‘Phil Taylor who’s a maverick cop in his spare time’? Well now you can! Also, no one ever scores treble 70 in real darts.
4. Not Power Rangers
I repeat, these are not Power Rangers. They’re nothing like Power Rangers. Anyone who says they are is lying because they’re jealous.
5. TRUCK
It is as strong as oxen. The amount of oxen isn’t specified. It might be as strong as 387,000 oxen, or it might be as strong as 0.000001 oxen.
6. Tric-ycle
I’m not going to dispute the fact that they are the most popular styles. I have no idea what’s hot in tricycle fashion right now. I’m not too keen on the idea of splaying together though. I wish I knew what the ‘fast-nobility’ thing behind it was.
7. Not Harry Potter
This is why we can’t have nice things. Not sure if that’s his hair or if he’s got chips on his head.
8. Backhoe loader
Whatever it is, it’s for girls.
9. The happy time
This doll’s head is bigger than her body. But that’s ok, because friendship we tightly together.
10. Healthy sport
Not only is darts now an officially recognised sport, it’s a healthy sport. Take that other sports. Again, I call bullshit on the scoring system.
11. Modern Doll
Taking part in a finery show. These ladies are as tall as five cars.
12. Dinosaur king
Selected freely by me.
13. Animal world
The best gift for children is apparently a bright green stag, and a sheep the size of an elephant.
14. Household set
‘Let our children more hardworking’ by giving them a plastic banana and a blender. Also, the joy of learning –
Presumably this is the joy of learning that you can’t blend a plastic banana, and that everything is ultimately futile.
Good work. I want to see this cop series now… set in the mid west by the look of things.
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As someone who received gifts like this in his childhood, I have sat and cried with laughter for over an hour at this. Thank you!
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I demand an in-depth examination of Farm Exploiter and how it relates to the socio-economic conditions as described in Rainbow.
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