We like toys, and we visit far too many weird discount shops. As a result, we’re amassing quite the collection of shit toy packaging. And by shit I mean brilliant. Observe:

1. Farm exploiter


New edition! Now with flashing enter!


I loved exploiting farms when I was a kid. Especially farms full of giant albino livestock.

2. Psy doll


I’m not sure why he has a bow in his hair. Also –


3. PDC World Championship police thing


Ever wanted to play ‘Phil Taylor who’s a maverick cop in his spare time’? Well now you can! Also, no one ever scores treble 70 in real darts.

4. Not Power Rangers


I repeat, these are not Power Rangers. They’re nothing like Power Rangers. Anyone who says they are is lying because they’re jealous.



It is as strong as oxen. The amount of oxen isn’t specified. It might be as strong as 387,000 oxen, or it might be as strong as 0.000001 oxen.

6. Tric-ycle


I’m not going to dispute the fact that they are the most popular styles. I have no idea what’s hot in tricycle fashion right now. I’m not too keen on the idea of splaying together though. I wish I knew what the ‘fast-nobility’ thing behind it was.

7. Not Harry Potter


This is why we can’t have nice things. Not sure if that’s his hair or if he’s got chips on his head.

8. Backhoe loader


Whatever it is, it’s for girls.

9. The happy time


This doll’s head is bigger than her body. But that’s ok, because friendship we tightly together.

10. Healthy sport


Not only is darts now an officially recognised sport, it’s a healthy sport. Take that other sports. Again, I call bullshit on the scoring system.

11. Modern Doll


Taking part in a finery show. These ladies are as tall as five cars.


12. Dinosaur king


Selected freely by me.

13. Animal world


The best gift for children is apparently a bright green stag, and a sheep the size of an elephant.

14. Household set


‘Let our children more hardworking’ by giving them a plastic banana and a blender. Also, the joy of learning –


Presumably this is the joy of learning that you can’t blend a plastic banana, and that everything is ultimately futile.

5 thoughts on “TOY IS GOOD

  1. I demand an in-depth examination of Farm Exploiter and how it relates to the socio-economic conditions as described in Rainbow.


  2. Is that Norman Price from Fireman Sam in the wizard set? Guess they finally had enough of the little twat and sent him to the world’s most dangerous school in the hope he’d be eaten by a dementor or blow himself up with magic.

    Liked by 1 person


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