Imagine my delight when I came across this activity pack in a charity shop:
Then imagine my delight when I forgot all about it and it ended up in a box in the spare room. Then imagine my delight when I remembered about it a year later.
If you’ve never seen it, Lazy Town is a show about eating apples. Half the people who live in Lazy Town have plastic faces, and the mayor is Keith Vaz. There is one sane resident, Robbie Rotten, whose only wish is to be able to eat cake in peace. This somehow makes him the villain.
Anyway, included in the shit activity pack was a shit CD ROM. I didn’t know it was shit until I tried it out.
And it wasn’t even bloody free. It was included in the shit activity pack, which you had to pay money for. These people don’t understand the following things –
- the concept of free
- things that are fun
- not eating apples all day like a bellend
I say ‘these people’, but it’s highly unlikely that the actual Lazy Town characters made this activity pack. I don’t care, I’m still blaming Errol Flynn tribute/aerobics instructor Sportacus.
Look at Stephanie advertising the jigsaw section. She looks like she has a gun pointed at her.
Incidentally, I wrote ‘jogsaw’ by mistake. I should have left that in, it was fitting.
Whatever. Let’s do these bastard jogsaws.
This one is a picture of all the kids gathered around Sportacus’ manly crotch. Stephanie still has a gun pointed at her.
This one was difficult. I couldn’t figure out where the last piece went, so I’m not sure what it’s supposed to be.
Onwards and downwards. Let’s do some click and paint. I thought Pixel was holding a chainsaw in this bit. I need to get some new glasses. Turns out he’s just got a paintbrush sticking out of his arm.
Pixel really does have chips for hair, unlike this Harry Potter loser here.
These are the paintings I did.
Next we have a matching pairs game, featuring Robbie Rotten, who is the only one I can tolerate for more than five seconds, so that’s good.
Unfortunately it’s broken, like the soul of the person who made this CD ROM.
Print-out fun! Sportacus looks piii-iiised off.
You can’t actually preview any of these print-outs, you just have to let nature take its course, and hope that the whole thing doesn’t require 9000 pages and all your printer ink. Needless to say I haven’t printed any of them out. The mister used all the printer ink trying to print photos of Wolf from Gladiators.
Never mind, let’s go to the book room. There are probably some interactive stories in here, with that page-turn animation you get sometimes. I like that.
Oh. It’s just a list of things to spend your money on, should you not have already spent all your money on this activity pack.
Speaking of the activity pack, that’s going to have to wait for another day. It’s at least going to have to wait until I’m no longer trying to slash my wrists with the shattered pieces of this CD ROM.