Rainbow: A Cold Day

In which Bungle discovers the downside of his nudist lifestyle.

Since it’s December and there’s a nip in the air, let’s see how our friends in the Rainbow house handle cold weather. Spoiler: Up to all of them act like they’re going to die. You can watch it here, or you can sit there scratching your balls like you were going to.

The gang is in bed. This doesn’t include Geoffrey, he’s not part of the gang. Sometimes he is, but only when he’s making them lunch or wearing a dress in an amusing way.

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Please note that Bungle is wearing pyjamas, of sorts. He does this.

The first line? “Mind where you’re putting your feet Bungle Bonce!” Now, I’m not going to say that Bungle definitely has his foot up Zippy’s arse, but he definitely does. I know this because the mister sometimes thinks it’s funny to kick me up the bum when we’re in bed, and if I have to be anyone in Rainbow, it’s going to be Zippy.

Anyway, Bungle’s not taking this shit lying down. Literally. He sits up and admonishes Zippy for being like an “ice lolly”. He also counter-warns Zippy to watch where he’s putting his feet, even though Zippy doesn’t have feet, just an arse, wich Bungle currently has his foot up. The fool.

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Bungle gets up and immediately demonstrates why he’s a big stupid div. See the frost on the windows? That’s not frost. Apparently someone’s painted the windows white. Remember that this is according to Bungle, who is currently being stupid and wrong.

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Bungle, on what planet would anyone go to the trouble of doing that? Not even the many enemies I’m sure you have would bother doing that.

Luckily, before we can descend further into Bungle’s insanity pit, Geoffrey barges in. Since he’s wearing a jumper and what look suspiciously like mittens, I think it’s safe to assume it’s cold this morning.

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I do love that picture. I like how they’re all suddenly looking at us. It’s like an ABBA video.

Geoffrey explains that it’s cold today. Thanks for clearing that up Geoffrey, I’m sure the others hadn’t noticed, and that Bungle’s testicles are always that colour.

The heating is broken, and Geoffrey has to telephone “the man” to come and sort it out. For more information on “the man”, see here.

Later, the gang are downstairs. Bungle is complaining that he’s cold. I’m just going to put this here.

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Bungle, you know we have these things called ‘clothes’? They help a bit when you’re cold. I know you have that bear suit on, but still. If you were cold with pyjamas and a bear suit on, I can’t see how you’re going to be any warmer in nothing and a bear suit.

Oh sorry, you have a scarf on. How silly of me. I’m surprised you haven’t sweated into a puddle on the floor.

Zippy and George haven’t done much better, but at least they don’t have bottom halves to keep warm. Actually I take that back, Zippy is doing quite well with his hat/scarf/three fingered glove combo. However, he loses points for worrying that his nose is frozen because he can’t feel it.

(GUYS, NO ONE TELL ZIPPY HE DOESN’T HAVE A NOSE, OK?)

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Geoffrey returns with glad tidings. “The man” has arrived, and he’s going to mend the heating. In the meantime, Geoffrey’s genius plan is for them all to do the Hokey Cokey to warm them up. That’s not a bad idea, although I do wonder why he hasn’t just told Bungle to put some clothes on. Regular readers know that Bungle has a large collection of clothes.

I’m quite jealous of these guys. I wish I felt cold. I wish I felt anything other than ennui and despair.

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After an animation featuring an evil snowman that will devour your very soul –

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we get back to the action. Bungle and George are making a snow penis.

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Next we have a song from Rod, Jane and Freddy. It’s either a song about a snowman, or a song imploring Bungle to put some clothes on.

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After this, the gang have some soup. This is a major plot point, and goes on for about five minutes. Bungle hasn’t listened to Rod, Jane and Freddy, because he is still naked apart from a scarf. It will serve him right if he spills that soup.

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The soup does the trick though, and soon Geoffrey has to strip off. Maybe Bungle will have to take his bear suit off soon. No one ever gets this hot from eating soup, unless the soup contains ‘Bum Satan’ chilli sauce.

The soup warms everyone up except Zippy, who has to lie on top of George to keep warm. I never noticed before but George is a Celtic supporter.

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George declares that Zippy is actually hot and sweaty. Zippy calls bullshit, and asks for another mug of soup. For reasons known only to them, the gang cry “Oh Zippy!” In n exasperated way. Because being hungry and wanting more than a teaspoon of soup is somehow Zippy’s way of being a degenerate. Even if the soup does have bum chillies in it. Zippy gives everyone the sly finger.

16a

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Have you guessed the twist yet? Correct. It’s not the soup warming them up – “the man” has fixed the heating, hooray!

There’s just time for a boring story before we finish. The story is about the Cuban Missile Crisis. Or it’s about being cold. I don’t know, I didn’t listen.

No one knows why Bungle was naked the whole time.

And remember – this picture sums up how I feel most days.

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