Ariston, which I always thought was a deodorant, but now I realise I was thinking of Arrid Extra Dry. Ariston (and on, and on…) seems to be a brand of washing machine. I can only assume that the original 5 million machines are still in perfect working order, as no one seems to buy them any more.
Barbie videogame for NES
I’m not sure why she’s doing giant washing up, or what the Zs are for. All I know is that Barbie is rad. I don’t know why there is a man in a turban offering you SODA.
Just 17 magazine: July 17th
“BODYLOVESEX – All your questions answered!” I doubt that. Questions such as ‘Would it be better to have four boobs?’, ‘Why do people keep on insisting salad is food?’ and ‘Where did I put my pen?’ remain unanswered.
Get Set! Grow It/Colour Candles/Clay Things
Before we had the internet, we were encouraged to do things called ‘activities’. These came in boxes and were ultimately thrown away and/or left to go off as we discovered our finished product would never look like it did on the box.
See also: those shit plaster of paris moulding kits. I had several of these, and each time I attempted to paint my models, they ended up looking like the time that old lady ruined Jesus.
You Bet opening titles
Sadly underrated game show, mostly hosted by Matthew Kelly. Contestants would claim to be able to do something cool, and then a celebrity panel would scoff and go “can you fuck do that.” Then the contestant would do the task, leaving the celebrities looking shamed.
Saved By The Bell Season 3
During season 3, the Bayside gang all got summer jobs, conveniently all at the same place, and conveniently all in a place where they get to wear bikinis and show off their muscles. Here are Slater, Cody and Billy Bob Bob John all getting pumped up for a hard day’s servitude.
Sonia: “Only Fools (Never Fall In Love)”
Don’t know where this got to, but I know it was an number 13 in June, and then I couldn’t be bothered to search any more. It is the most 90s video in the entire world.
Lego Shark Island
Starring everyone’s favourite Lego piece – the shark (obviously). Also features that treasure chest where the treasure is glued in but that never stopped you trying to prise it out so you could sell it on the black market.
Having said that, this might just be my own flea bitten memory going wrong. I also have vague memories of an empty treasure chest, and filling it with tiny coins. I have no idea which of these is correct. If you can put me out of my misery, do so.
Holiday themed game show hosted by Richard Madeley. The contestants competed, unsurprisingly, for a holiday. Rounds included, quickfire questions, matching questions to answers on a screen a la Finders Keepers or Wipeout, and trying to guess the age of the other contestants (what.)
The world’s scariest ident
BBC Video. All viewing that follows this ident becomes harrowing, even if it’s a video of Playdays.