I’ve been doing important work for roughly the last forever. But now I’m done for a bit and, like Mole, I have emerged blinking into the sunlight. Naturally, the first thing I choose to do is write a sodding blog post about Rainbow.
This episode is called ‘Social Behaviour’, and the plot is as follows: Geoffrey loses his shit because he finally realises that everyone he lives with is a dick.
Our day begins early. I think it’s about 3 in the morning. Zippy can’t sleep with Bungle in the bed, so he gets up and puts some music on.
Reasons Zippy can’t sleep with Bungle in the bed –
1: Bungle is in the bed.
With this cleared up, Zippy puts on the kind of music that you’d normally hear over a cartoon training montage. This is the kind of music everyone should listen to on a morning:
Bungle and George are understandably pissed off with Zippy’s noise. I sympathise with them here. I have been known to punch people in the head if they wake me up.
Bungle refers to the “silly person” who put the music on. As you know, in the Rainbow universe, calling someone ‘silly’ is the equivalent of calling them a c***. So shit is going down here.
Geoffrey has also been woken up by the training montage. He barges into the bedroom and politely offers to kill Zippy if he doesn’t turn that fucking music off.
Also, is it me or is Bungle now really small or really far away?
Geoffrey demands that everyone gets up and has breakfast since they’re awake. This is despite it being 3 in the morning. I’m not sure why Geoffrey has to make everyone else get up with him. Maybe he can’t get breakfast on his own? Maybe he needs a bear to… make the tea?
George stays in bed doing whatever it is he does. No one really cares.
When we get downstairs, we discover that Bungle has left his assorted crap all over the floor, and that Zippy has eaten ALL THE FOOD IN THE HOUSE. Even I’ve never done that. I’m going to predict they’ll be forced to eat each other.
In Zippy’s defence, the only food they had in the house was half a box of cereal and some slices of bread.
This is pretty much Geoffrey’s face for the entire episode:
Geoffrey says they all have to go to the shop to get breakfast stuff. I’m not sure why they all have to go, because in some episodes, Bungle is clearly old enough to be left in charge of the others. Having said that, when Bungle is in charge, he does things like this:
This is why Geoffrey has to cart them all round with him now. He orders Bungle to pick all his crap up before someone falls on it and dies, then he goes to shout at George until he gets up.
The second he’s out of the room, Bungle and Zippy decide ‘Fuck this, let’s go be boring in the garden instead’.
George is in bed reading a comic. Two things:
1: Why does George wear curlers in his non-existent hair?
2: That comic. I don’t remember one where they’re all in Heaven and Geoffrey is Jesus.
Geoffrey tells George that if he doesn’t get up immediately he will kill him. Then he goes downstairs and slips on one of Bungle’s discarded pieces of crap. He shouts for some attention, but the others ignore him as he is acting like a big girl, and anyway they’re busy.
Luckily, Jane comes in from the kitchen, where she lives. She wibbles over Geoffrey for a bit, and then Bungle comes in, and he, Jane and Geoffrey have the greatest exchange known to man:
Bungle: “What are you doing down there Geoffrey, are you tidying up my toys?”
Jane: “Look Bungle, he slipped on a car!”
Bungle: “Well that was a silly thing to do!”
Geoffrey: “I’m going to lose my shit right fucking now you stupid turd in a bear suit!”
They help Geoffrey up and then Jane tells them they should all be ashamed of themselves, and that it would serve them right if Geoffrey sold them for medical experiments.
Jane offers to go to the shop when she’s finished rehearsing with Rod and Freddy. I like this screenshot:
The next bit raises questions. Geoffrey keeps remembering more stuff he wants Jane to pick up from the shop, so he keeps hobbling over and interrupting their rehearsals.
These are my questions:
1: Where did Geoffrey get a walking stick from?
2: Which is more likely – that Rod Jane and Freddy are rehearsing in the next room, or that Geoffrey has hobbled all the way to their house to nag Jane?
3: If it’s the latter, why didn’t Geoffrey just hobble to the fucking shop?
This backs up my theory that Rod Jane and Freddy live in Geoffrey’s kitchen.
Geoffrey is taking the piss though. Jane was only going for milk, and now he wants stuff like “a pound of carrots” and “a pound of spring greens”. I thought she was only going to the corner shop? My local shop doesn’t do things like “a pound of spring greens”, but if you want Halloween stickers, out of date crisps or porn mags with names like ‘Dinnerlady Tits’, it’s the place to go.
Later on everything’s gone back to normal, and the gang are sat round having a cup of tea. I’d just like to take a second here to mention Geoffrey’s fantastic double denim, which I really should have done earlier but I forgot.
Jane is still in auto-nag mode though. She starts going on yet again about how Zippy, George and Bungle are inconsiderate shits, and then out of nowhere she decides they’re all going to act out the rhyme ‘Two Fat Gentlemen’. I think she’s trying to teach them that they should bow whenever Geoffrey greets them? Geoffrey sits there looking thoughtful, while Zippy has possibly just seen a flash of Jane’s knickers.
And here we leave the Rainbow gang for another day. I think the moral of this episode is ‘Don’t be an inconsiderate bastard’. And that Geoffrey should have bought more food in the first place. And that Bungle can’t be trusted to be in the house on his own while you go to the shop, because he’ll just pretend to be Superman and fuck all will get done.