A note – I have to defend Bungle right from the start, because I too have broken a swing just by sitting on it.
Anyway, we start with a game of giant snap:
Bungle needs cards that are bigger than Doncaster town centre because he’s blind. Look how he reads comics:
Back to this episode, which is called ‘Safety First’. It’s all about being safe and not doing things like jumping out of windows or reheating rice. Snap is ok, because the chance of getting killed is minimal, unless Bungle “snaps” and beats Zippy to death with one of the giant cards.
The gang are bored of Snap, so Bungle goes to see if it’s stopped raining yet. Geoffrey comes into the room at this exact moment and decides to interpret Bungle looking out of the window as ‘Bungle trying to kill himself by leaning slightly out of a ground floor window’.
Note to readers: unless you live on a moving train, what Bungle’s doing is not dangerous.
Geoffrey ‘rescues’ Bungle and gives him a stern talking to about how you must never do anything ever.
Seriously, Bungle would have just got stuck in that window anyway.
Now it’s stopped raining, the gang decide to go play in the garden. This prompts another tirade of doom from Geoffrey. Things they are forbidden from doing in the garden include:
- Playing on the swing
- Holding loo roll in their bumcheeks then setting fire to one end and seeing how far they can run before it burns their arse
Apparently they can’t play on the swing because the rope is fucked and Geoffrey needs to mend it. I would have thought a bigger reason they can’t play on the swing is that they don’t have one, since they’ve never had one in any other episode. This means Geoffrey has suddenly decided to buy them a broken swing.
They all race to the garden. George is first. Zippy declares that he’d have been first if he hadn’t opened the door for George. Bungle declares that if he “hadn’t been last”, he’d have been first. No you wouldn’t Bungle, you’d have been second you idiot.
Is it me or is Bungle fatter than usual today? He looks pregnant. Maybe we’re getting to that, what with the episode being called ‘Safety First’.
They can’t think of anything good to do now they’re in the garden. Bungle suggests having a go on the swing, because HE HAS A DEATH WISH.
If you haven’t figured out what happens next, go back up to the top of this post and start paying attention.
Judging by the way Bungle’s going on, I think he has actually broken his arse. If he’s reacting like this to falling half a foot onto some grass, it’s probably a good job he didn’t try the loo roll thing.
Geoffrey hears the commotion and comes out. It’s not clear whether he’s assessing the damage to the swing or to Bungle’s arse.
Geoffrey decides that now would be a good time to mend the swing. He could have just fucking done this in the first fucking place, instead of standing there shouting at Bungle for looking out of the window.
He reaches the swing by deliberately standing right on the edge of a box, for reasons I’m sure he knows about.
George tells him to stop being a prick and to use the stepladder. I’m surprised he doesn’t make Geoffrey put a hard hat on as well, and fill out a risk assessment. Soo would do that if she were in this show. That’s why nobody likes Soo. George and Soo should just hang out together filling out risk assessments and tutting, the pair of twats.
Meanwhile, Bungle’s still acting like he’s just been bummed:
Zippy and George trick him into sitting on a whoopee cushion. When it goes off, Bungle asks “Ooh, was that me?” Oh my god, I think his arse really is broken. How badly does your arse have to be injured for you to have to ask other people if you farted?
Geoffrey comes in and announces that he’s looking for his toolbox, while looking straight fucking at it.
As it turns out, Zippy was about to start playing with the tools, but Geoffrey stops him just in time. Interestingly, he doesn’t administer half the bollocking he gave to Bungle, even though playing with tools is clearly more serious than looking out of the window.
Later on, Geoffrey has cut his finger with the screwdriver, and is bleeding to death.
Bungle runs upstairs to get a plaster but there aren’t any left. Geoffrey is definitely going to bleed to death.
Oh wait no, they do have some plasters after all. Look how happy Geoffrey is to not be bleeding to death:
He looks like he’s on the cover of Take A Break – “MY SCREWDRIVER HELL: love rat used the last plaster then shagged my best friend!”
The gang decide to make a first aid kit. This involves putting a bottle of TCP into a shoebox. Bungle is far too happy about this.
Geoffrey’s mended the swing! The others are so grateful to him that they trick him into sitting on the whoopee cushion from earlier.
Geoffrey laughs along but also considers selling the three of them for medical experiments.