I love Batman, because he manages to be both a man and a bat, which is all kinds of talented. Therefore, a Rainbow/Batman crossover is right up my street.
Don’t worry, that’s what this episode is, I haven’t just gone mental.
We begin with Zippy sitting in this box:
Can we all just take a step back and let our minds process that for a minute.
Zippy’s getting on everyone’s nerves by singing the Batman theme on a loop for seven years. Geoffrey’s pissed off because this is apparently stopping him doing his “work”. His work involves looking at some papers that are clipped together, and is NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN.
A few minutes later, George comes into the room to find Zippy still in his box. It’s amazing how he’s made it be eight times the size it was. No wonder he looks so pleased with himself.
Zippy tells George he’s pretending to be Batman. George immediately gets this wrong and calls him ‘Zipman’. George did not do this on purpose, yet instead of throwing him down the stairs for being an idiot, Zippy decides the name ‘Zipman’ is wonderful.
Zippy redeems himself by making George be ‘Bobbin the Boy Blunder’ (still not as good as ‘George the Idiot Wanksock’) and off we go into an action packed knock-off…
Are you paying attention Affleck? All you need are some burger boxes. I have immediately saved you $20,000,000, minus the cost of the burgers.
Apparently, the evil ‘Joker Geoffrey’ and his friend ‘Sourface Bungle’ want to stop everyone in the world laughing! I’ve got an idea guys – if you want to stop people laughing, show them this blog.
Shit, Geoffrey’s already “wiped the smiles off everyone’s faces”. Now all I can think about is Geoffrey going round giving people backhanders like Jason Statham.
Incidentally, Geoffrey makes a fucking awesome Batman villain. In fact, his bad guy roles are massively underrated in general – you’ve only got to watch his portrayals of ‘Mr Geoffrey’ and ‘Uncle Bill Grumpy‘ to see that.
There’s no time to lose! The Dynamic Duo go off in their box to do some crime fighting.
Seriously, someone show this episode to Affleck, Nolan or similar.
Meanwhile, Joker Geoffrey and Sourface Bungle are in their hideout, doing evil things like sitting down. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Bungle is fucking blind. How close does he need to hold that comic? He’s literally got it pressed against his face.
The dastardly pair have stolen all the comics in the world! Geoffrey tells us this via a Bad Guy Speech, while Bungle stands there doing fuck knows what.
Joker Geoffrey’s next evil plan is to steal all the jokes from the joke shops. I have no idea how this is going to stop people laughing. I’ve never met anyone who laughs at plastic dog poo and those fake ice cubes.
Bungle goes out to get every single bit of stock from every single joke shop in the world. He’s back five minutes later, as if he’d just popped to Tesco. Look at all the hilarious stuff they now have:
My sides are fucking splitting.
Suddenly, Geoffrey and Bungle are stopped in their evil tracks by a fake rubber spider. They think it’s real, despite Bungle having dumped it on the table ten seconds ago.
This may or may not be important to the plot later.
Geoffrey spots that it’s a fake and tells Bungle not to be so fucking wet.
Anyway, the pair have bigger things to worry about – Zipman and Bobbin have found their hideout! Geoffrey and Bungle hide.
Zipman and Bobbin find Geoffrey and Bungle by letting a flea out of a tin, on the off chance it will immediately head for them. This is despite Zippy pointing straight at their hiding place (spoiler alert – they’re under that sheet) and going “I don’t think we’re alone. Look, they’re under that sheet there. Look, that one there.”
Amazingly, their demented plan works. But wait, what’s this? Oh no, it’s a huge rubber spider that’s somehow now dangling on a string from the ceiling!
This lets Geoffrey and Bungle escape for about three seconds, until they are foiled by Zipman’s invisible wall.
I don’t care how invisible that wall is, how did they get a wall in the car?
Anyway, this is normally the point where they’d all have a ‘Pow! Sock! ‘Twat!’ fight, but because this is Rainbow, Zippy just orders Bungle to grope Geoffrey until he laughs. It’s like that bit in the lift from Carry On Girls:
This solves everything, and we head back to real life. Geoffrey’s looking at Zippy like he knows about the imaginary groping thing.
Geoffrey is still trying to do his ‘work’, which seems to involve going round making sure everything they own is still in the house and then ticking it off a list.
He doesn’t want Zippy and George dicking around making noise while he’s trying to work. In fact, you could say he’s acting a bit like Joker Geoffrey! Can you see where this is going?
Congratulations, you win a quid.
I might write to DC and suggest that from now on, Batman just squeezes the bad guys’ tits until they laugh. It seems to work, and he wouldn’t have to do any fighting which might rip his tights.