It’s my stupid birthday soon, so I thought I’d write about the time they all spent weeks organising a stupid birthday party for stupid Bungle.
Zippy and George are whispering to each other, despite being the only ones in the room.
“I know it’s rude to whisper, but we don’t want Bungle to hear.”
Because they’re planning a surprise birthday party for Bungle’s birthday, which is tomorrow. Also because he’s a fat nosy prick.
Bungle comes in and immediately starts being a fat nosy prick.
I bet he’s just finished going through Geoffrey’s underpant drawer.
“What are you two whispering about?” he demands.
“We were just talking about how you should mind your own fucking business.”
Bungle gets upset and storms out of the room, barging into Geoffrey in the process.
Geoffrey is whispering too, but only because he’s lost his voice. They continue plotting the stupid birthday party, which will probably just consist of the four of them wearing hats. I’ve seen birthday parties on Rainbow before.
Bungle’s managed to mind his own business for all of 20 seconds:
He storms back in.
“Right, what the fuck’s going on? Why are you all whispering?”
“We’re not whispering,” whispers Geoffrey.
“Do you think I’m stupid?”
“Yes but that’s not relevant here. I’m only whispering because I’ve lost my voice.”
Bungle does some more storming, this time to go see Rod Jane and Freddy.
Rod Jane and Freddy are whispering too. Well, Rod and Jane are whispering, and giggling, and probably saying rude words like ‘pissflap’. Freddy is sitting there looking worried. Maybe he doesn’t know what a pissflap is, but he can’t admit this because then he’ll stop looking hard and cool.
Pssst, Freddy – if you want to know what a pissflap is, there’s one behind that wall.
Bungle starts complaining: “It’s very hard to hear what people are talking about when they’re whispering all the time!”
I think that’s the idea Bungle, you pissflap.
Then Freddy mimes a big round shape, which is the funniest thing Rod and Jane have ever seen. Bungle takes this to mean they’re calling him fat and annoying, which he is.
Spoiler alert: they’re not saying that. But it’s still true.
Five minutes later it’s bedtime. Those pyjamas.
Bungle has a whinge in those pyjamas then goes to bed. Seriously, no human has ever worn or owned pyjamas like those. He looks like a bishop.
“Goodnight,” he says, before heading TO THE KITCHEN.
The next morning, Geoffrey and Jane are plotting. You can tell they’re plotting because Geoffrey is doing his super-concentrating-and-plotting face, and also because they’re saying things like “Isn’t this plotting fun?”
Jane goes away, but oh shit! They’ve forgotten to get a birthday cake! Geoffrey tries to ‘pssst’ at Jane, but Bungle catches him so he has to pretend to be doing his exercises instead. While going ‘pssst’.
Geoffrey sends George away with a message, and continues psssing. Bungle isn’t too bothered; he’s distracted by not getting any birthday cards in the post. Of course you haven’t got any bloody cards in the post Bungle – you only know six people and they all live in the same house as you. Three of them live in your kitchen.
Meanwhile, George passes on Geoffrey’s message to Zippy that they’ve “forgotten the birthday snake”, thus proving that George has zero common sense or experience of birthdays, and is a div. Not once did he stop and think ‘Hmm, I know it’s something that sounds like ‘snake’, and you have one at a birthday party. What the fuck could it possibly be?’
Zippy passes the message on to Freddy, who doesn’t question it and goes off to buy a snake. This is fucking ridiculous. Zippy and George have some sort of excuse, on account of they’re puppets and not alive, but Freddy is a grown man and should have figured out the ‘snake/cake’ thing.
Right, are you ready for the result of all this hard work and planning and working in secret for weeks?
They just stand around and throw some string at him. They could have fucking done that anyway. And they definitely have been planning it for weeks, as confirmed by George, like this load of cock is something to be proud of.
Remember when Freddy made that big round mime? He was actually describing Bungle’s “enormous birthday present”:
They’ve all clubbed together and bought him an inflatable beach ball for 99p for his birthday.
Now there’s just the ‘snake/cake’ problem to clear up, but first let’s look at how Rod’s hair swings in the breeze:
Anyway. “Here you are Bungle, here’s your birthday snake, because we’re all idiots.” At least they didn’t get him a real snake which he would have had to kill in self defence.
The misunderstanding is soon sorted out, and Jane saves the day by revealing she’s had a cake ready all along!
That’s a really good cake, apart from why does Bungle have a burnt face. Also, I think Bungle is supposed to be 8 years old judging by the candles. So next time he claims to be 3, just ignore him and call him a hairy liar.