Let’s play some Hannah Montana games

I think Hannah Montana’s that one off the TV. I don’t know because I’m 32.

However, being 32 doesn’t stop me playing internet games aimed at 5 year old girls.

For some reason I keep finding Hannah Montana themed games, and I think they were made by someone who doesn’t like Hannah Montana very much. Join me as we get Hannah Montana pissed and take out her teeth…

Hannah Montana Real Haircuts


This game looks promising because I think you get to poke her in the face with scissors. I set it to German by mistake. I don’t know what ‘spielen’ in, maybe it’s ‘spleen’. Maybe you get to poke her in the spleen with scissors.

This is the first bit. I haven’t even done anything yet. She must have gone on the bus like that.


But it’s a good game because you get to actually style her hair, rather than just choosing from some ready made styles.

I went a bit wrong, so I decided to start again and do Troll hair instead.


I think this is German for “Why have you given me such shit hair. What did I ever do to you.”


She looks like she wants to punch me but can’t quite manage it because she’s a drawing.

Hannah Montana At The Dentist


You’ve decided to become a dentist, and your only patient is Hannah Montana who hasn’t brushed her teeth her entire life. You must dick about with sharp objects and then somehow you win the game.

I accidentally removed all her teeth, except that one which I couldn’t pull out for some reason. Also I think I’ve killed her.


Never mind, let’s have another go. This time I had a proper go at fixing up her teeth, because at the end I got to stick stickers on them. Apart from the ones I pulled out again because I used the wrong thing by mistake.


I think I won anyway. I don’t know, I wasn’t paying attention.

Hannah Montana Love Mix


Or to give it its proper name – ‘Hannah Montana Gets Off Her Tits On Cocktails’.

You play as a creepy, large headed Hannah Montana, who pours herself whiskey using her elastic arms:


Then she’s hammered. End of game.


I wish I was hammered.

Hannah Montana Wireless Quest


In which you have to “hurry the fuck up and find Miley’s diary you stupid bitch”. She can’t find her own diary because she’s still pissed from the cocktails.

I don’t know who those other people are. Maybe they’re ghosts.

I have no idea what I’m doing.


Before I could figure it out I got an ‘incoming call’ from someone or other. I think it was important, but then it was just a black screen until I got bored and quit the call:


After that I still couldn’t figure out what to do, so I just made her walk into the wall until the timer ran out.


The end.


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