Today’s episode is called ‘Looking After Baby’, and once again we see Geoffrey’s evil, Machiavellian brain at work as he tricks Bungle, Zippy and George.
Geoffrey is waving madly and shouting “Jane, Jane, over here!”
Pop quiz. Is Jane:
A) 3 miles away
B) 3 feet away
Congratulations, have a quid.
Jane’s stolen a baby and brought it round. Not sure if she’s going to try to convince Geoffrey that he’s the father. Probably not, since Rod and Freddy are already the fathers. But if we’re going with the three dads thing, Rod is obviously Tom Selleck, and Geoffrey would be Ted Danson. Freddy can be Steve Guttenberg because no one’s picked him yet.
The baby is called Oliver, he looks pretty nonplussed. Wait until he sees Bungle.
Geoffrey suggests that, as it’s such a nice day outside in the studio, they should keep Oliver in the garden for a bit. It’s ok, because Geoffrey has already got a carry cot. Why he owns this is never explained.
“But won’t the others want to see the baby?” asks Jane.
“We’ll get to that,” says Geoffrey. “But first I’m going to play an evil prank on them, like I do sometimes. Like that time I told Bungle the Ark of the Covenant was up his bum, and he spent hours trying to find it.”
Look at his evil, plotting face.
Geoffrey puts a doll (which he also happens to own) in Oliver’s pram, and goes inside. I don’t know if you can hear me in the past Geoffrey, but please try and convince Bungle that you just gave birth in the garden.
No need, Bungle is being entertaining without Geoffrey’s help. He asks “Is it the baby?” while looking straight fucking at the baby.
I should cut Bungle some slack here. He’s probably asking that because he can clearly see that it’s a doll. Oh wait, no, he’s just an idiot.
We get another conspiratorial wink from Geoffrey, then he announces he’s off out, and they’re in charge of looking after the baby.
Zippy shouts “HELLO BABY!” at the baby, and then they all stand around shitting themselves, presumably to make the baby feel at home.
George suggests rocking the pram. Bungle interprets this as ‘Shake the pram to death with your mighty bear muscles’.
“Stop that Bungle!” they cry. “You’re not digging up the fucking road!”
Geoffrey comes back in with a bottle, and Bungle voices his concern that the baby might not be entirely ok, since it’s not moving, breathing, or doing anything. Geoffrey has a secret piss at this. Naughty Geoffrey.
Geoffrey fucks off again, leaving Bungle holding the baby. At this point, Bungle should at least have some alarm bells ringing due to the baby being rock hard.
However, before Bungle can start doing CPR on the baby (like it would ever occur to him), they hear a burp, so instead he gets it in a wrestling hold under the guise of ‘winding’.
Turns out the burping was actually Zippy. I could have told them that.
Geoffrey’s doll, we discover, is a talking doll. It starts saying “Mama”. Bungle looks horrified.
Geoffrey comes in to gloat, and leaves a bottle for the baby. Zippy tries to put some milk in a mug like an idiot. Anyway, I reckon Bungle should have a crack at breastfeeding, he’s already got his tits out.
Geoffrey comes in yet again, this time to explain about breastfeeding. Great minds think alike I guess. He explains that “Some babies suck milk from their mother’s breasts”. Say what you like about Rainbow, it was a bloody progressive show, and very educational. This doesn’t excuse Geoffrey’s evil shenanigans though.
Rod and Freddy come in, looking for nappies. This prompts Rod to explain that “When babies are small they don’t go to the lavatory on their own – they might fall in.” Yes, that’s the entire reason.
Rod screenshot of the day is Nick Clegg.
Turns out Rod and Freddy are in on the joke as well. They should be ashamed of themselves.
Jane sings the real baby a song, because she’s the woman one. I think Rod and Freddy join in, because they are also women.
Then we cut back to Bungle, George and Zippy, who are rapidly losing their shit. I’m not sure what Zippy and George are doing.
Geoffrey comes back in and says “Oh it’s fine, ignore the baby for a bit while I read you a story.”
After the story, he reminds us that he’s still evil. Or he’s got something in his eye.
Geoffrey decides to stop being evil, and to put Bungle, George and Zippy out of their misery. He fetches the real baby in to meet them. The baby doesn’t immediately have a nervous breakdown upon seeing them. Respect to that baby. George does a facepalm.
How they all laugh.
Way to go tricking those three again Geoffrey. I guess you deserve that pleased face.