In this episode, Geoffrey has finally lost his shit, and now he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies.
How do I know this? He’s letting Bungle do DIY.
Today’s pop quiz –
A) Create a black hole which swallows up the house
B) Accidentally piss off the Chinese
C) Travel back in time and stop himself being born
If you’re playing along at home, the answer will be revealed at the end.
Bungle has decided to wallpaper the bedroom. Geoffrey has agreed to let him do this unsupervised. Having Zippy and George in the room laughing at him does not count as supervision.
For now, let’s just ignore the fact that Bungle is about eight years old, and prone to bungling. You never know, he might not immediately set fire to the walls and himself. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt.
Laurence Llewelyn-Bungle gets his shit together and prepares to start. That doesn’t look like the best place to keep that bucket. I’m sure he has his reasons.
Zippy, as usual, is the voice of reason:
“The fuck are you doing Bungle? Are you trying to get us all killed? This is a bad idea and you know it.”
As if to prove Zippy’s point, Bungle attempts to measure the wall and immediately falls over.
I know how Bungle feels – I once punched myself in the face trying to open a packet of crisps.
Geoffrey comes in to help. I’m not sure how he’s helping.
After 17 attempts to measure the wallpaper, during which Bungle hilariously lets his end of the paper go, the gang inexplicably haven’t killed him. Also, that bucket is still there. I know it’s going to fall over and possibly explode at some point. This is gripping.
To be fair to Bungle, it is going to be hard to paper those weird round walls.
Zippy manages to hold the wallpaper steady despite having half the amount of hands Bungle has. I’m not sure of the maths, but I think this doubles Bungle’s humiliation.
Bungle cuts the paper with ’round ended scissors’. The fucking state of it:
The cracks in Bungle’s veneer of ability really begin to show, however, when he realises that not only has he cut the wallpaper too short, but that it’s also the wrong wallpaper.
The wrong fucking wallpaper.
How did he not notice this before? And what is this other paper even doing here? Bungle’s wallpaper is supposed to be white with animals on it. The only explanation for this is that Bungle went to fetch his wallpaper, saw this roll, which looks nothing like the paper he’s meant to be using, and thought ‘Yes, this is my animal print wallpaper. It looks exactly right.’
Stop looking so fucking proud Bungle, you idiot.
Maybe Bungle’s blind and has just never thought to tell anyone. That would explain a lot of his bungling. It would also explain how he reads comics.
They get the right paper and try again. This time, Bungle decides not to bother measuring it, and to just make it twice the length of the wall. That will work.
Geoffrey goes to do some painting, leaving Bungle alone to start putting the wallpaper up. Geoffrey, how many times do you have to be told that leaving Bungle to do anything is inadvisable? If I were Geoffrey, I’m not entirely sure I’d trust Bungle to remember to breathe.
Bungle immediately forgets what he’s supposed to be doing and starts flicking wallpaper paste at Zippy.
I told you this would happen Geoffrey.
In an unorthodox move, Geoffrey declares that “Bungle’s going a really good job”. We can assume from this that the last decorators they hired actually killed people.
Now it’s time to stick the first bit of wallpaper up.
“Now Bungle, it’s not as easy as it looks…”
“Shut up Geoffrey, I can do it.”
“Are you sure?…”
Geoffrey does a face that says ‘Why didn’t I take that job handling nuclear waste when I had the chance.’
Geoffrey starts painting the door. When he wants to switch colours, he orders Zippy to pass him a brush with paint already on it, despite being half a foot away from the brushes. The lazy sod.
Zippy bollockses up this task, I suspect on purpose.
Serves you right Geoffrey.
Cut to later, and Bungle’s nearly finished wallpapering.
How has he not noticed that it’s upside down? Seriously. He’s being all proud and making sex noises because he’s so good, when he is no such thing.
Even when Zippy points out that part of it is upside down, Bungle tries to insist that it isn’t. I really should make a joke about ‘alternative facts’ here.
Anyway, Bungle seems to have done an ok job if you don’t count the upside down bit. Maybe he won’t cause the apocalypse after all.
The phone rings. Geoffrey goes to answer it, only to find the door isn’t there any more.
Bungle, of course, has papered over the door. I presume he did this while Geoffrey was out of the room, otherwise Geoffrey would have stopped him. But Geoffrey must have been in the room because how would he have got back in? Which means that Geoffrey stood there and watched him paper over the door. The universe is broken.
Speaking of which, did anybody work out the answer to the pop quiz? That’s right – that missed phone call was the Chinese calling to ask if they wanted to do a war. Since they didn’t answer, the Chinese took it as a yes.
I’ll leave you with this screenshot, which I couldn’t fit in earlier but looks funny.