In last week’s gripping instalment, we discovered that S failed to write in her diary for several months, because she was in such a state of catatonic lust over Tony. We now join S in the run up to Christmas, and find her being visited by 37,000 different relatives, and opening her Christmas presents. Plus, stay tuned for a shock development with Tony…

(spoiler alert – it’s not a shock development if you’ve read the title)

Notes: Comments by me are in italics as usual. This part has been a bastard for indecipherable words, so feel free to chime in and correct me. For obvious reasons, I’ve censored all phone numbers (cough *Tony* cough).

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21/12/81

“Woke up 8.30. Went to school. Had Story of Wil (I think), in Welsh, it was very funny. Forgot my dinner money, had to lend from G.T. After tea, went to Andrew’s house. (Does Paul/Tony/the millions of other guys you’ve got going on know about this?) Had five pounds off Auntie Gracie. Last part Gwen Tomas. (I think this is what this is – if I’m wrong please correct me.) Dad brought Xmas drinks home.”

22/12/81

“Woke up 8.30. Went to school. Donna brought me Adam + The Ants L.P. Had lovely school dinner, pizza, beetroot, chips, doughnut. (Beetroot?) Watched Jim Davidson show, Starburst, and Brideshead Revisited (last part).”

23/12/81

“Woke up 10.00. Cooked mince pies, watched Pinocchio. Also cooked jam tarts. After dinner, which was mashed pilchards, watched film, Man In The Iron Mask. At 9.00pm watched White Christmas film.”

(Is it me, or has S’s prose become erratic and disjointed thanks to the flame of love burning for Tony? Also, she’s changed pens, the hussy.)

24/12/81

“Woke up 8.45. Went to Kwiks and travel agent. Then went to Nain’s. Came home. Had prawn curry for dinner. Auntie Gena came. (Well, it looks like ‘Gena’, but apparently the name ‘Gena’ means “the lateral part of the head of an insect or other arthropod below the level of the eyes.” So I guess not. Also, no Kwik Save flaps yet.)

25/12/81

“Woke up 8.00. Opened presents, got record player, albums, record case, socks, chocolates. Had Christmas dinner, watched Tom Thumb, and Top Of The Pops, And Doctor No. Watched Last Of The Summer Wine.”

presents

26/12/81

“Woke up 10.15. Watched Tiswas. Nain stayed for tea.”

27/12/81

“Woke up 9.15. Went to church. Auntie Enid came to tea and dinner.”

(Dear diary, sorry can’t write much in you. Too in love with Tony/Paul. See October/November for further details.)

28/12/81

“Woke up 9.30. Went to get Maggie to go Bangor. There were sales everywhere. Mam bought a pair of shoes. I bought cookery book, 2 biros, marker, bag, writing pad. Watched Slipper + The Rose. And Close Encounters.”

29/12/81

“Woke up 9.45. Auntie Eleri, Uncle John, Nain and Dafydd came for me, to go to (either Bryn Goleu or Bryngolau, not sure which). Elfryn was there. Elfryn went hunting pheasants. Had a lovely dinner there. Watched Jack Lemmon film.”

(Please God don’t let Elfryn be Tony part 3. I can’t keep up. And at least I can spell ‘Tony’.)

30/12/81

“Woke up 10.30, went to make hairdressing appointment. Watched Nancy Drew Mysteries. Played records till 2.45. then went to hairdressers. Got a nice style. I went to Llansadwrn, got lovely supper. Watched Jack Lemmon film.”

(Someone likes Jack Lemmon. And considering you had about one channel back then, you were spoilt for choice.)

31/12/81

“Went to Bangor. Bought mod parka, and cords. Went to Nain’s, Mam went home, had party. (Wait, this reads like your mum went home and had a party because you were out.) Elfryn and Alan sleeping in Nain’s. (I can’t keep up with all these men.) I also slept in Nain’s.”

01/01/82

“Woke up 9.30, went to wake up Elfryn and Alan. Went down to (Kan-Mor? Ran-Mor? Any help here?) with Elfryn and Alan. Came back to Nain’s, had dinner. Fixed Auntie (Aena’s? Oena’s? This must be what I thought was ‘Gena’) car. Elfryn showed me how to shoot. He promised to pass his driving test.” (Or what?)

02/01/82

“Woke up 11.30. Went to Bangor. Bought Gosh It’s Bad Manners.”

03/01/82

“Went to church. Watched Carry On Doctor. Nain came. Elfryn left for Cottesmore 12.45.”

(Jesus Christ can you please just write ‘went for lunch with John’ just once so I don’t have a headache?)

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04/01/82

“Woke up 8.30, went to school, in parka. Had double General Science, with Tony. (TONY!) Auntie (could it be Rena?) and Auntie Maggie were here. Watched Maggie programme (presumably about Thatcher, not about your auntie). New Dr Who started, also watched dancing girls.”

05/01/82

“Woke up 8.35, went to school. Had Sociology. After, came home, played records, watched Jim Davidson. Pulled down decorations after Christmas. (As you know.) Watched dancing girls.”

06/01/82

“Woke up 8.30, Andrea came. Had double C-Studies. Came home, played records, had tea. Watched Grange Hill, went to Menai Bridge disco, the (f) was in Menai Bridge. Little Chef got robbed.”

(I don’t know where to start here. Little Chef got robbed? Or what the hell is the (f)? I don’t know where to start, so I won’t bother, and will just eat Twiglets instead.)

07/01/82

“Woke up 8.25. Andrea came. Went to school. Had double General Science. (No Tony?) After school went to Andrea’s house. Got chile con carne for tea. Came home, Aunty Hilda was here.”

(Just how many fucking relatives does she have?)

08/01/82

“Went to school but in Computer Studies we got sent home, because of the snow. Watched film, (Ok, this really looks like ‘Arsenal Arena Mystery’. Is this a film? If not, why not? It should be.) Watched Sherlock Holmes, and Play Your Cards Right, and Gentle Touch.”

(Seriously, it is ‘Arsenal Arena Mystery’.)

EDIT: Thanks to Joe (see comments), it’s The Arsenal Stadium Mystery.

09/01/82

“Woke up 10.30. Didn’t go to Bangor. Watched Dallas.”

10/01/82

“Didn’t go to church. Cooked tea. Salmon pancakes.”

(Didn’t go to Bangor? Didn’t go to church? Sounds like ennui setting in.)

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11/01/82

“Woke up 8.30. Went to school. Wore trousers instead of skirt. Had General Science with Tony. Came home, went out to play in snow. Watched Coronation Street. Had Prawn Cocktail.”

12/01/82

“Woke up 8.30. Went to school. Had Sociology. In the afternoon, got Double Commerce, came home. Watched television, new programme started, Muck And Brass, with man from Not The 9 o’clock News in it.”

13/01/82

“Woke up 8.30, went to school. Tried Basic on computer. Tried to get John to come to disco in Menai Bridge. Came home. (What did John say? Who even is John?) Had tea, went to Menai Bridge disco. (With John?) Barnie and Lawrence were there. Barnie did mod dance to Human League. Had good laugh.”

(Me too.)

14/01/82

“Woke up 8.30, Andrea came, had double General Science with Tony. (Wait, is Tony a teacher or something?) He smiled at me, I nearly fainted. Then Andrea came for tea, cooked rice and fish. Made trifle. Watched Barbara Streisand film.”

15/01/82

“Woke up 8.30, Andrea came. In Gym, walked round Trem Eryri, with Annie Agro. Came home. Went out to play with Maggie. Came in, watched Sherlock Holmes and Play Your Cards Right, Fall Guy, Gentle Touch. The Virgin & The Gypsy was on.”

16/01/82

“Went to Bangor. Bought Human L. L.P. Saw Tony in Bangor. Bought 4 singles.”

17/01/82

“Went to church, by 10.30. Went to listen to records after dinner. Maggie going to see her new house. (See notes.)

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“Found out Tony’s phone number, but I don’t know if it’s true or not.”

(Maggie might be moving, but then isn’t moving, thank fuck.)

(The magic kingdom of Disneyworld, starring those guys in costumes. Love this, it’s very Alton Towers circa 198-whenever.)

“Phoned Tony, he said ‘Haya’.”

(Was that the whole conversation? I assume you hung up as soon as Tony answered. Don’t worry, I would have done the same. R.I.P. my sides though.)

(NB: My dad keeps offering to phone the number to see if it’s still Tony. I politely declined.)

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(Yeah yeah, I love Tony, I love Tony. We know you love Tony. I love Tony, I love… wait… Paul again? Paul is ace again? Double wait… Brock? BROCK? Who the fuck is Brock? I can’t cope with this any more. I don’t think Brock is the guy on the left, who is not called Brock. Anyway, no one’s called Brock in real life.)

Join me in part 4, for being ill off school, Cross Country in the rain, and more phoning Tony…

Seriously, Brock?

13 thoughts on “Diary of an 80s teenager part 3: Let’s phone Tony!

  1. Sounds like Nain had the party, or more like a sleepover.

    “Had lovely school dinner, pizza, beetroot, chips, doughnut.” …I gagged. Is this some Welsh speciality they’ve kept to themselves??

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “Maggie programme” would be Maggie, a BBC Two drama series about a teenager called Maggie. Theme tune by BA Robertson (“Maggie / won’t be a teenage bride / Maggie / (something something) / to attend university/ and so far it’s so good”). Her dad was a plumber who opened his own business and grumbled that the fliers said “24 hour service”.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Maggie the programme was about a Scottish girl and BA Robertson sang the theme tune. It was on BBC2. In the credits I think she hung upside down off a climbing frame. I can remember watching it with an evening snack of cheddar cubes and some very green cream soda from the Schofields man.

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