Warning: this episode contains Dawn and her Bossa Nova button.
This episode is called Going Places, and it’s about having to go to Australia to get away from Bungle’s stupid face for a bit.
We begin with Bungle, George and Zippy wibbling around, having panic attacks and general menopause:
“Where is he? It’s ever so late! He said he’d be home by teatime, and that was ages ago!”
It’s fucking twenty past fucking five.
“Calm your tits,” says Dawn. “After all, he is coming back from Australia or somewhere.”
Turns out Geoffrey’s been on holiday without them again. He does this sometimes. Once he went on a narrowboat holiday, and left Bungle in charge. Amazingly, an international crisis hadn’t been declared by the end of the week. And there was the time he went to the fair without them. There was no reason given for this, so we can assume it was for one of the following reasons:
1: They don’t allow nudity at the fair
2: Bungle’s still banned from the Ghost Train after “the incident”
3: Geoffrey just wanted an hour away from having to look at them
Anyway, at least this time he’s got a babysitter in, even if it is Dawn and her Casio keyboard.
Dawn explains that, since Geoffrey is coming back by plane, it was irresponsible and wrong of him to say he’d be back at exactly 3.18pm, and if he wasn’t back by that time to assume he’d died.
“Ooh, aeroplanes!” yells Bungle. “I wish I was an aeroplane!” Then he runs round pretending to be what I assume is an aeroplane (a hairyplane?) and runs straight into the table like a div.
“And don’t forget,” says Dawn, “after he gets off the plane he has to catch a train, then a bus.”
And there was me thinking he’d just jump off the plane as it flew over their house.
Where is Bungle’s other eye?
Bungle suggests singing a song to pass the time until Geoffrey gets home. “That’s funny,” says Dawn. “I just happened to have my keyboard set up in the corner of the room, like I always fucking do. Don’t worry, I’ve got it set to Bossa Nova.”
They sing some nursery rhymes or something, and then Geoffrey’s back! Turns out he hasn’t been to Australia at all, he’s been on a business trip in the 1930s.
Geoffrey goes upstairs to unpack. Everyone immediately follows him and starts going through his dirty underpants. Geoffrey wishes he’d stayed in Australia.
After tea, Bungle, Zippy and George want to play ‘travelling’.
“Come on Geoffrey, you’ve been back from your round the world trip for 27 minutes now, that’s plenty of time to get over your jet lag. Build us a coach out of the half a dozen giant boxes we just happen to have lying around.”
Dawn comes back in. “If you’re going on holiday, you’re going to need someone with a Bossa Nova Button.”
“Fuck off Dawn, there’s no room for you. You can run behind the coach and push us if we get stuck at Knutsford services.”
“Don’t be like that,” says Dawn. “You might need someone you can sell for a camel.”
“Fine, you can come with us, but one sniff of Casio keyboard and we’re turfing you out.”
“How long’s it going to take us to get to the seaside Geoffrey?”
“In this coach? About an hour and a half Zippy.”
Are they seriously just going to sit in those boxes for an hour and a half?
“Can’t you drive any faster?” asks Bungle, in a rare moment of sanity.
“No, it wouldn’t be safe.”
I’m pretty sure that Geoffrey could make his pretend box coach go at a million miles an hour, and they wouldn’t crash. He’s just being awkward.
“If you want to go faster, we’ll have to turn the coach into a train,” says Geoffrey. “But I’m just going to audition for Dexy’s Midnight Runners first.”
Then that bit stops, because it’s been over an hour since Dawn got her Bossa Nova button out, and she’s fucked if she’s going to put up with that.
Hang on, I’ve just noticed the table’s back. Where the hell did they put it while they were doing their pretend coach thing?
They sing a song about… wait for it… travelling. There’s probably a “choo choo” or something in there, I don’t know, I wasn’t listening properly.
And here we leave the Rainbow gang for another day. To finish, a screenshot of Geoffrey realising he could have stayed in Australia but didn’t. And now he has to be back in the UK where people don’t know how to use cashpoints.