Whenever I go visit my dad in North Wales, we always make a special journey to Bargains Galore in Holyhead. I’ve written about this magnificent shop here, but if you don’t have time to read the link – it’s the greatest shop known to man.
Inside the unassuming exterior lies a treasure trove of 80s and 90s tat. Despite not having any room in my flat, I keep buying stuff from this shop. Some of it is in the loft, some is in a box in my bedroom, and some I’ve given to other people. I think I just have a problem with buying stuff. If anyone’s a psychiatrist, or has seen an episode of Dr Phil, give me a bell.
Anyway, on my last visit I was very good, and managed not to buy the Tampax from 1994, or the Spice Girls paper plates. What I did buy, however, needs to be shown off, otherwise I’ll have to admit I do have a problem with buying stuff just because it says ‘Free cassette!’
Thundercats paint & trace book
Anecdote: When I was 5, I had a boyfriend called Richard, who lived next door. One day we decided to play ‘Thundercats racing’ (We had a race, and we were pretending to be Thundercats. That was it.). Somehow I beat him at this, and his response was to hit me over the head with a garden cane then start crying. Needless to say, we broke up.
Ever since then, I’ve had a special place in my memory for Thundercats, so I bought this. The book itself is pretty shoddy – it’s about 10 pages, and 4 of those are tracing paper. But This page makes the purchase worth it:
And here is the Lion-O colouring page. Knock yourselves out. Maybe send me the results so I can laugh at them.
Chris Kamara figure
This is from a line called ‘Galaxy Robots’, which I assume is a knock off of something featuring robots or galaxies. If not, do correct me in the comments.
Obviously I bought this guy because he is Chris Kamara.
I’m not sure that Chris Kamara has ever fought a space war, but if he did, I like to think he’d say thing like “The atmosphere here is thick and fast.” and “For Burnley to win they are going to have to score.”
I think Chris is going to have pride of place on my bookshelf, next to my Troll and my Action Man that looks like Alan Partridge.
Model’s beauty set
If you are a thirty-something woman and are starting to sag, chances are you bought something like this as a small, shitting child.
This set includes the following:
“Play” tissue box (glad they pointed that out)
Powder compact with no powder
Two bottles of “Model’s”
Let’s speculate. Model’s Vagisil? Model’s armpit hair remover? Model’s gin?
I’m sure we can all agree that hours of fun could be had with this. And if you concentrate really hard, maybe it will suddenly make you pretty so Daniel will fancy you instead of Gemma, and then he’ll lend you his red felt.
First, we have a ‘2 in 1’ handheld game. Although I’m not sure what the “2” is, because there are 3 games. Maybe it becomes a hair dryer as well.
On cartridge 1 we have ‘Ice Hockey’ and ‘American Football’. Cartridge 2 contains ‘Sea Battle’ and ‘Parachute’. And on cartridge 3 we have ‘Baseball’ and ‘Soccer’.
Cartridge 2 definitely sounds the most fun. I haven’t played any of these yet, because I’m scared of getting battery acid leaked all over me, and then losing at all the games.
Oh I see. Looking at the back, the “2 in 1” thing makes sense. Although it really bloody doesn’t on the front, so go back and change that, men in the past. Helicopter attack sounds good, and also like something I’d fail at.
Moving on, we have a Walkman with a built in video game! Jesus, I would have sold my mother for this when I was a kid. I wouldn’t sell my mother for anything these days, except a Petite office playset.
You know what? I bet Zack Morris had one of these. And I bet Superman had one of these, and he played ‘Karate’ and ‘Fatal Attack’ when he wasn’t busy Karate-ing and fatally attacking people.
I don’t think Superman ever did fatally attack people though, unless they’d been naughty.
The point is you could walk round listening to ‘Baby Come Back’ by UB-40 with Pato Banton, while fatally attacking people, and you’d suddenly be the cool kid. Unless you played the other cartridge – ‘Horsemanship’ and ‘Polo’, in which case you’d quite rightly get called a div. And you’d have to listen to Michael Bolton’s Greatest Hits while you were playing those.