This episode is called ‘The Show Offs’, and is about the following things:
1: Bungle’s inability to not be naked, AGAIN.
2: Some other stuff.
Geoffrey is decorating the garden with tinsel and flags. This is because they’re planning to have one of those weird concerts where only they turn up.
At this concert, everyone’s going to be doing their talent. Let me tell you – I’ve just discovered that I can do a banging impression of Sunderland manager Simon Grayson, which is more impressive when you consider that I’ve never heard him speak. That’s better than any of the shit this lot can come up with.
“I’ll be the best. Everyone knows I’m the best singer,” says Zippy.
“Yes yes we all know you can sing,” says Geoffrey. “Meanwhile, my talent is not having killed any of you three yet.”
In a plot twist worthy of The Wire (I’ve never seen The Wire, I just like to look clever), we learn that Zippy’s cousin Zippo is also coming to do his talent. I assume Zippo’s talent is setting fire to things.
I’ll wait here while you guys laugh at that an appropriate amount.
Anyway, Zippy starts singing, and Geoffrey orders him into the house to think about what he’s done.
“I don’t know what’s got into Zippy today – he’s really showing off!”
Geoffrey you bollock. Literally one second before Zippy started singing, you told him to do some rehearsing. Now he’s doing it he’s a show off and must be shunned. It’s almost as if someone thought of an awesome sounding title, and decided to just shoehorn in the plot around it. I would never do that.
Oh my God who’s this jumpered lothario?
Why it’s Vince, Zippo’s father/handler/agent.
Let’s see. We know that Zippo is Zippy’s cousin, because Geoffrey said so. Does this mean that Vince is Geoffrey’s brother? And does that mean that both men are the biological fathers of their respective… offspring? I blame Bungle for this.
Vince has brought Zippo with him. (I mean, obviously he has.)
Zippo is what Zippy could have been had Geoffrey forked out the money to send Zippy to Sylvia Young, instead of selfishly wasting all his money on bills, food and clothes. Hang on, not clothes.
“Hi Zippo, everyone’s really excited to see you, come inside and say hello!”
There now follows an extract from my life:
Zippo: “Hello I am exactly the same as Zippy only with a hat on.”
Everyone else: “Jesus you are wonderful. Let us all bask in your glory and retweet you and stuff.”
Zippy: “What about me? You never say those things about me.”
Everyone else: “Fuck off, you do not have a hat on. Zippo is clearly objectively better.”
Zippy decides that ‘If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em’. He gets a bow tie, but it’s not as nice as Zippo’s bow tie. Also he’s forgotten that it’s the hat they love, not the bow tie.
Zippy: “Look, I’m just as good as Zippo! Please acknowledge my existence!”
Everyone else: “ARE YOU STILL HERE?”
They do pay attention to Zippy long enough to zip him up, then they all fuck off.
If you’re wondering where the Bungle/pants thing is – don’t worry, it’s coming. Calm your tits.
At this point, Zippy has several options:
1: Work non-stop for years, and somehow get better than Zippo at everything, just in time for the concert which starts in about three minutes.
2: Go off in a huff and refuse to take part in the concert.
3: Kill Zippo, and kill Bungle as well because it’s a shame to waste the opportunity.
Zippy goes with option 2.
Look at the despair on that face.
Undeterred by Zippy’s retirement from showbiz, the gang start their ‘concert’.
This is Geoffrey and Bungle’s act:
BUNGLE, JUST ONCE COULD YOU NOT WEAR A FUCKING JACKET OR SOMETHING? WEARING A HAT JUST EMPHASISES YOUR NUDITY IN OTHER AREAS!
Also, Bungle’s looking very baggy today:
Then George reads a poem, which is boring, but fortunately Zippy chooses this moment to make a comeback. He improves George’s poem by singing all over it.
“Geoffrey, he’s spoiling my poem!”
“That’s ok George, you can just start again.”
“No, have him killed!”
To be fair, I am on George’s side with this. Why should he have to do the whole thing again? Especially when it’s boring and no one wants to hear it anyway.
I have a horrible feeling that if I ever decided to do stand up comedy, I would keep repeating my act from the beginning until I judged that the audience was paying sufficient attention to me. Then I’d refuse to give them any punchlines as punishment.
Look at him lurking, plotting his revenge.
Zippy does the same thing during Zippo’s song, prompting Geoffrey to launch a tirade at him:
“Zippy you’re a talentless prick! Stop it! Although you do get points for finally getting a hat.”
Rod, Jane and Freddy decide that now might be a good time to intervene. They do their song with Vince. Vince just happens to know the song, and all the dance moves.
Rod and Freddy – if I were you, I’d turn round and have a look at what your woman is doing.
You should lock her in the coal hole for being such a hussy.
Zippy starts playing up again. This time, though, Vince realises that Zippy’s attention-whoring is a manifestation of his inner pain, and also that he has to show off because this episode is called ‘The Show Offs’.
Geoffrey is still being a tactless sod though.
“Zippy, because of your showing off, poor Zippo hasn’t sung his song yet! Poor Zippo, who I love more than you.”
Vince intervenes. “Maybe they can both sing a song together!”
That’s right Vince, encourage Zippy to latch onto the coat-tails of someone more successful, and never let go.
In this scene, we learn that Zippy and Zippo look quite similar.
Anyway, that all works out, and everyone is friends again. The episode just sort of stops at this point, which is good because I’m bored of writing about it. The moral of this story, I guess, it that everyone else is probably better and more successful than you. However, you can still get a break by disrupting everything until someone takes pity on you.
I’ll leave you with this screenshot of Geoffrey trying to sell you a monorail.