Rainbow episode review: Oh just fuck off

I’m in a bad mood for two reasons:

1. My laptop is powered by steam and extinct eggs.

2. I was sewing shit onto my boyfriend’s work uniform FOR AN HOUR. It was only three things, but I suck at sewing. I think I bled to death.

Given that, I’ve chosen a nice cheery episode today. I’m watching this blind so I don’t know what happens, but it’s called ‘Worried And Weary’, so I assume it’s going to fit my mood.

Right.

George is being a bellend, as usual.

1

How dare he go round collecting money for the hospital. And, more specifically, how dare he say to the hospital “Yes I will collect money for you. No don’t worry I’ll get loads of money, I know more than six people, including two who have 20p in the world, no don’t worry.” George lied.

Also, which hospital is this supposed to be? My guess is ‘Rainbow hospital’. Is there an episode where one of them goes to hospital? I’ve never seen it, but I bet it would be a nice mix of heartwarming and shoddy.

Anyway. George gets worse:

Zippy: I’m sorry George, I spent all my pocket money at the weekend, I haven’t got anything now.

George: Oh Zippy. I put all my money in this box. That’s how good I am. Retweet me, because I am good.

Zippy: …

George: …

Zippy: You mean the box you only just showed me, just now, after I’d spent all my money?

George: Yes, you should have known I’d come lording it over you like this because I am so good. Think on.

2

Zippy, instead of immediately spraying George with mace like I would, suggests ways he can make money. I notice the following things aren’t on the list:

  • Selling your own hair and trying to pass it off as ‘celebrity hair’
  • Drug dealing
  • Vlogging (let’s face it, he’d fit right in with most vloggers)
  • Sponsored ‘be a bellend’

Instead, Zippy suggests that they steal the others’ clothes and sell them. George worries that “I can’t take other people’s clothes, they might not like it.”

You can if it’s Bungle, trust me he won’t mind.

Geoffrey and Bungle choose this moment to come in. See?

3

I would sell Bungle’s clothes George, but I wouldn’t sell Geoffrey’s, it looks like all his other clothes that he’s ever owned are in the wash, which explains today.

Bungle is obviously fucked off at not being the worst one today, because he says:

“But how are you going to collect the money George?”

Bungle. You see that container next to George? IT’S NOT A FUCKING SPECIMEN JAR.

Long story short: the gang all rally together and decide to have a ‘misc sale’ in the garden. You can fucking bet your house that only Rod, Jane and Freddy turn up, and that they just happen to have £100,000 each on them.

Only George doesn’t have a stall at this ‘misc sale’. Zippy suggests he could make things, but we’ve seen how it turns out when they try to make shit:

ws17

Luckily Gabrielle, off of ‘Gabrielle turns up on Rainbow and makes amazing shit’ turns up at that exact moment. That was fucking lucky.

I’m still in a bad mood.

In the end, Gabrielle makes some bird/fan things, which I’m still convinced Rod, Jane and Freddy will pay £100,000 for.

4

We cut to later, and Geoffrey and Bungle have been hard at work on some advertising:

5

It’s pretty good, but I hope they’re not going to do their old trick of just putting it up in the living room and somehow people turn up.

Also, if I didn’t know these guys and I saw this sign, I’d assume it was a grumpy, possibly murderous old man, who was trying to offload his collection of specimen jars he never used, or did use. Bungle should go to that sale, then he’d learn what a specimen jar was.

Not to worry, they go and put it up at the roundabout, where everyone will see it.

Spoiler alert: NO THEY DON’T. THEY HANG IT OUT OF THE BEDROOM WINDOW WHERE FUCKING NO ONE WILL SEE IT. EXCEPT ROD, JANE AND FREDDY, AGAIN.

Later on, George and Zippy are sorting out some clothes.

Zippy: Come on, you can sell this. It’s not like Geoffrey, who owns this shirt, will recognise it.

George: Ooh I don’t know…

Look at this, it’s like an Abba video:

6

Cut to later, because I’m bored of their moral flimflamming.

This is the big ‘misc sale:

7

Amazingly, it’s Bungle who’s gone to the most effort, having actually grown or bought those plants himself. I suspect grown, because if he’d bought them George would have been down on him like a ton of bricks, shouting “Why didn’t you save your money for that charity collection I was going to have in a year’s time and you knew nothing about?”

In the next scene, everyone worries, and is weary. And then they have a teacup full of weak lemon drink, so they’re fine.

8

Uh-oh! Geoffrey spots all the clothes he’s ever owned on the jumble pile!

9

I don’t know if he’s annoyed, or is trying to magic them back into his drawers.

Then the best thing happens, which briefly cheers even me up – Geoffrey decides to buy back his shirt, with money. Despite the fact that Zippy stole it.

“I suppose I’m going to have to buy it back am I?”

No Geoffrey, just take your shirt back like a man. Admittedly, a man with a horrible shirt.

10

Then it’s time for the big ‘misc sale’. George gets my hopes up by shouting “Ooh look Geoffrey, it’s lots and lots of people!”

Let’s see if that’s true.

11

Ok, I stand corrected. It’s not Rod, Jane and Freddy, it’s a load of child actors. Fair enough. At least none of them broke out into jazz hands. Or cried when they saw Bungle.

Looking back, my title doesn’t really fit the episode, but oh well.

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