Good evening. Today we’re going to crush Bungle’s dreams, because if I can’t achieve anything then I’m fucked if he’s going to.
Bungle is playing the piano. Can any eagle eyed readers spot the problem with this?
At this point, it would be far too easy to joke about how Bungle is on some sort of drugs, like LSD, Calpol or heroin. I am not going to suggest that. What I am going to suggest is that Bungle has never seen a piano before, but he likes the idea of it, and he just assumes pianists hit things until sound comes out. He’s also never heard a piano before, because a piano doesn’t sound like Bungle hitting a table.
Are you with me so far?
The point is that Bungle’s playing a piano that isn’t there, because he’s a div.
It transpires that Bungle is attempting to play ‘Old McDonald Had A Farm’. He makes up for the lack of piano by just humming the tune.
SO HE COULD HAVE JUST STOOD THERE HUMMING AND SAVED EVERYONE ALL THIS BOTHER.
Halfway through, he starts adding in some moves like Stevie Wonder.
Meanwhile, Zippy is trying to get George to play I Spy with him, but George is “not very good at I Spy”.
I bet you’d beat Bungle Wonder there hands down.
As if they’ve heard me, Zippy and George invite Bungle to play I Spy with them. But Bungle doesn’t hear them, so lost is he in his fake pianism.
George asks “What’s the matter with him?”
Come on, you’ve met him.
Geoffrey comes into the room, so now they can all have a good old ‘What the fuck is wrong with Bungle?’ session.
Zippy: “What the fuck is wrong with Bungle?”
George: “Yes, what the fuck is wrong with Bungle?”
Geoffrey: “You’ve only just noticed? What the fuck is wrong with you two?”
George: “Why don’t we all shout his name?”
What, like he wishes Jane did every night? Ooh burn.
Naturally, Geoffrey asks us to shout him as well. Fuck off Geoffrey, I’m busy watching Rainbow.
They shout Bungle, and he sort of responds, but only once he’s finished his imaginary pianing.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Being a bellend.”
LOL NOT REALLY. I’m so funny. Bungle actually says “Practising the piano. Because practice makes perfect.”
Thank God, Geoffrey has finally realised that Bungle’s insane:
“Yes Bungle, whatever you say. Guys, keep him talking while I phone the cops.”
Bungle is adamant. “I don’t need a piano to practice!”
Geoffrey: “No but it would be better if there was a piano there.”
Bungle reacts as if this is the newest and greatest idea ever. Something akin to “I wonder what would happen if I tried breathing out as well as in?”
AGAINST EVERYONE’S BETTER JUDGEMENT, they allow Bungle to acquire a Casio keyboard. Already he’s reverting to ‘I can’t see the bastard thing, where is it?’
Everyone is regretting buying him a keyboard with the following buttons:
- Bossa Nova
- Extra Loud Siren
Also, I love how they’ve bought him a keyboard that isn’t even meant for adult human fingers, let alone giant bear costume fingers. No wonder he can’t play the fucker.
Bungle is now trying to play ‘Für Elise’, which is a step up from ‘Old McDonald’, but still. ‘Für Elise’ would sound awesome with the Bossa Nova backing. I’ll ask Dawn to do it next time she’s in an episode.
Look at the state of that. Bungle’s finger is bigger than the whole keyboard.
They others finally lose their shit, and tell Bungle to pack it in.
“Fine, if you feel like that, I’ll go practice somewhere else!”
Yes, thanks, that’s exactly what they want you to do. Ta.
That’s if the miniature keyboard hasn’t got lost in between Bungle’s arse hairs by the time he gets out of the room.
“I know when I’m not wanted!”
That’s a fib.
Later, Zippy and George are trying to sleep. Bungle isn’t trying to sleep, he’s trying to play that keyboard which is somehow now even smaller than it was earlier.
Obviously Geoffrey storms in, brandishing an alarm clock. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?”
“No, in some episodes I can’t write and I go to playschool, so I’m about 3. Sorry about that.”
Poor Bungle. Who was, to be fair, playing a Casio keyboard at 6pm, which is what time they go to bed.
PLOT TWIST: Geoffrey doesn’t immediately smash the keyboard over Bungle’s head. Instead, he informs Bungle that he’s booked a piano lesson for him, first thing tomorrow morning!
Geoffrey has not really done this. What he’s done is say this to shut Bungle up, and now he’s going to be frantically tearing through the Yellow Pages: “Hello, I need a French polisher STAT!”
But that’s Geoffrey’s problem, not ours. We are treated to Bungle’s dream, in which he is a famous concert pianist. WITHOUT PANTS ON. AGAIN.
It’s the next morning, and here’s the piano teacher, not immediately running away in terror at the sight of a man in a bear suit:
“You must be Bungle!”
Have they ever done a lady Sherlock Holmes? I want her to be it. Geoffrey must have said the following on the phone:
“Listen, don’t be alarmed by Bungle. He’s a man in a bear suit, and he goes around naked. Apart from the bear suit, obviously. Does that count? I’m not sure if he’s naked under the bear suit but I think he definitely is. Also, he’s a twat.”
And then Bungle has a piano lesson, which consists of Sherlock Holmes playing the piano while he watches.
Sadly, I don’t think this episode has crushed Bungle’s dreams after all. If anything, it seems to have made him believe he can be a stupid naked bear concert pianist. Maybe he gets his dreams crushed in the sequel.
Fun fact: There is a cabaret pianist called Colin Fingers Henry. He’s good as well.