Hello, how are you? I am fine. I won’t lie, this one is just an excuse to crack open my old Argos catalogues again. It was raining outside and I was trying to avoid the dog, so I started pissing about with them in order to look busy. I thought it might be fun to show you all the cool and rad duvet covers I found.
As a kid, your duvet performs many important functions:
- roof of a den
- something to sulk under
- status symbol
- playing ‘sausage rolls’
- something to lie under while drinking Lucozade and gazing disinteresedly at Kilroy
Most of my duvet covers were hand-me-downs from my older sisters, but that didn’t stop me flicking through catalogues, dreaming of being able to cover my bed with Sonic the Hedgehog, She-Ra or similar. And now I’m 34, so I am only allowed to have flowers on my duvet covers. It is the law.
Anyway, take a look at these bad boys…
Action duvet covers
Here we have a selection of mad, bad, gut-punchin’ duvet covers that any self respecting hard man of 6 would have. Maybe you want to get super pumped up on a morning by having Murdock staring at you like that. Or maybe you habitually knock seven bells of shit out of Richard Hibbs, your boyfriend and next door neighbour, while playing Thundercats. Sorry Richard.
Weird generic duvet covers
Not the Garfield one, obviously – that is filed firmly under ‘rad’. And no one really gives a shit about Forever Friends. I’m talking about the generic “motorbiking” cover. No wonder that boy would rather sleep on the floor.
Elsewhere, we have ‘BMX Rally’, a thing called ‘Benny Bear’ (possibly a bear), some generic Mickey Mouse sports cover, and ‘Tops & Tails’. I’ve got to say – Tops & Tails wins hands down. Have you ever slept in a flannelette duvet cover in winter? It’s the best. Otherwise, these are duvet covers you buy your kid if you’ve never met your kid before and have no idea what they like. “Oh, kids love Mickey Mouse and sports, right?” Wrong. I, for example, preferred Gladiators and kit-kats, so there.
Duvet covers that might get you bullied
These duvet covers instantly mark you out among your peers as being a div, a gimp, or a 3 year old girl. ‘Snatch’ stuff is always funny. Although thinking about it, the Noah’s Ark cover should have gone under ‘generic’, although it’s cool and I like it. Easily the least lame of the group. Most of these, though, were the equivalent of having a ‘3 wolves howling at the moon’ duvet cover now.
Disclaimer – I had the Care Bears cover. I loved it.
Another disclaimer – when sleeping in a single bed in university halls in my mid 20s, I had a Peppa Pig duvet cover. Because I am awesome.
Rad duvet covers
Here we have the cool, edgy duvet covers for the aspiring Zack Morris or similar. My assessment of these as cool and edgy might be somewhat discredited by the inclusion of Edd the Duck. Whatever, fuck off. Bonus points for Simpsons merchandise from when Bart was the hilarious, wisecrackin’ star or the show, and said all kinds of wacky things like “Yo man!”
Anyway, these were needed if you used your bedroom for serious pursuits like playing Mega Drive, watching a video from the video shop with your friends, or showing your friends the drawer full of tampons you have, even though you’re 9 and have no idea what to do with them. Like I say, cool and rad.
Also – thanks for the donation Steve, you’re a rad dude. These donations really mean a lot to me, I’m touched, thanks guys.