The Rhyl Shit Toy Showcase

I hope you guys appreciate the trouble I go to for this blog. Yesterday I was busted in Rhyl, while trying to take some super awesome and rad photos for your perusal.

There I was, having a grand old time sniggering at crappy knock-offs and taking the odd photo on my phone, when a woman snuck up behind me:

Woman: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes?”

Woman: “Can I ask why you’re taking photographs?”

Me: You can ask lady, but I’m fucked if I’m going to tell you. “Erm, well, it is for some people who aren’t with me, so I can show it to them.” Technically not a lie. “IS THAT OK?”

Woman:

Me: Slopes out of shop to go sit in a cafe and eat toast and laugh at woman.

And that is how I nearly ended up doing 10-20 in the big house. More likely, the woman probably thought I was from trading standards, and was going to grass her up for her crappy money laundering shop. Lady, if you’re reading this, I don’t give a fuck about your nefarious business practices, I just want to laugh at your shit merchandise.

After that, I had to employ some super covert ninja tactics to take photos, but I got there in the end.

Anyway, here is what I managed to capture for posterity from the various objet d’art emporia around Rhyl…

I know this is some sort of fish, but other than that I got nothing. The instructions don’t really help…

I do know that it lives at the bottom of Sea World, and that it is at liberty.

Not gonna lie, anything called ‘pumper’ is getting on this blog.

Barbara. Really. Of all the names in the world. Even Barbara doesn’t look impressed.

Things to note about this car:

1. It is a romantic colour. Bitches love romantic colours.

2. It has a light and a stop, just like a real car.

3. That style that vogue most spread.

I tell you who knock-off Vader looks like – did you ever see Vanilla Sky?

That gun is as big as a child’s face.

Don’t forget to move your brain:

Moving your brain is the only way to make jewellery.

Why is there a giant tarantula that’s bigger than a shark? That must be the ‘convulsion enter’.

SMACK.

Question: What kind of rap music is done on pan pipes, recorder, trumpet and saxophone?

Answer: The best kind.

And to finish –

40 fucking quid.

Mark, Mitch and Rachel – thanks for your money, I’ll probably marry you guys at some point. If you would like to fund more crappy trips to Rhyl, why not chuck a quid my way? There’s a donate button at the top of the page (or at the bottom if you’re on mobile), and I’ll see what other treasures I can unearth.