Corner Shop Crap: What have you got against lions?

Someone ban me from Kwik Save – I only went in there for milk. Instead, I bought this, and I forgot the sodding milk:

You can’t really blame me to be fair, I mean look at it. The majesty. The craftsmanship. The tiny lion.

As you maybe can’t see from the packaging, this is the ‘SHOOT GUN’ playset. It contains a ‘soft gun’ (which is nothing of the sort), two types of bullets, and what I can only assume is the poor target.

You tell me – what lion stands a chance against a gun three times its size? That’s not fair. I don’t care how big and tough the lion is. It could be a lion in a gang and it would still get its ass handed to it by that giant gun.

Still, at least it’s safe and exciting:

I could be watching Showgirls 2 right now, and instead I’m choosing to review this fucking thing.

This lion is already going bald, and now it’s got being shot to contend with? Next you’ll be telling me its wife has run off with another man and it’s got prostate trouble.

Right, let’s get this over with. Let’s shoot this poor tiny lion. I can hear the lion going “What did I ever do to you?” in his poor tiny voice.

Let me tell you, I do not feel big and strong, or ‘geared up for the battle’. I just feel sort of sad. I might go and have a Calpol to cheer myself up.