Hello. Today I have a sad and gripping story to tell you. A few weeks ago I bought my childhood pencil tin on eBay, after years of searching for it. I won’t go into details just yet, because I hope to write about it in the near future. Suffice to say it is the finest pencil tin known to man.

Weeks pass, calendar pages flip etc, it is now the present. My pencil tin is not here. I contacted the man, and the man sent it when I bought it. this means my pencil tin is LOST IN THE POST.

The end.

I might get it or I might get fobbed off with a voucher and the knowledge that my pencil tin went on fire somewhere near the M62. Of the two, I’d prefer to get it, so I hope that’s what happens.

In the meantime, I’ve decided to console myself with a bunch of other pencil cases I own, because you can never have enough of those.

1. Mr T


I mean, technically it’s an A-Team pencil case, but we’re just fooling ourselves if we go down that road.

On this case, Mr T looks vaguely bored while he explodes, and a tiny car with no driver speeds past. It’s not even the A-Team van, it’s just a car. However, Mr.T, so 10/10.

2. Stegosaurus


Stegosaurus is easily the third best dinosaur, after the T Rex and the mighty Triceratop. This case depicts a typical Thursday 140 million years ago. Our hero, Steve the Stegosaurus, is trying to get his car keys back after he dropped them in that pond. 10/10, because dinosaurs.

3. Sanatogen advert


I don’t think this case was meant to be an official Sanatogen tie-in, but this series of adverts would beg to differ. In reality, some company probably just got together one day and had the following conversation:

“You know what kids love? Sports and shit!”

“What, like golf?”

“No Brian, probably more active stuff, like running! Anyone know any famous runners?”


“…Er, Road Runner?”

“Shut up Brian, you’re really not helping. In fact you’re fired.”

10/10, for all the effort those guys put into this at their meeting.

4. Masters Of The Universe


Please not that this is the original Masters Of The Universe, from before the cartoon we all know and love. That is why He-Man is a ginger and looks more like Lion-O. Also, I think Battlecat is wearing one of those cone things that stop you licking your stitches.

He-Man is still wearing a bra though, so 10/10.

5. Pencil Pouch


I did originally think that this one got its name because some idiot at the company thought rabbits had pouches. It was probably Brian. Anyway, then I saw a rocket themed one, so I think it’s just generic.

This was great because it came with a matching ruler and pencil sharpener, both of which I have lost. They’re somewhere in my flat, probably somewhere I never go, like the drawer with the spare lightbulbs in it.

10/10, because free matching stuff.

NB: I’m now not actually sure if rabbits have pouches.

Bonus item: Honey Monster pencil


We won this in some arcade or other a few years back. We spent about £1000 on one of those ticket shitting games, and this was our reward. It’s not sharpened, because I can’t find my pencil sharpener, because it’s probably in the drawer with the spare lightbulbs in it.

It might be illegal to own this pencil now, I’m not sure, due to its high sugar content. Therefore, 10/10 for being dangerous and awesome.

I’ve written a book about getting drunk and having to deal with stupid vegans. Click here to read it 🙂 

One thought on “A selection of pencil cases

  1. “Legal say we can’t copyright ‘Pencil Case’ so we need something we CAN copyright.”
    “Pencil Sac?”
    “What, like Santa’s Sack?”
    “No, without the letter k.”
    “Eurgh. Too biological.”
    “Pencil Pocket?”
    “Sounds too much like Polly Pocket. We don’t want them chasing us again. Not after the “Minty Max” fiasco.”
    “Pencil Orifice? Pencil Sheath?”
    “Oh fuck off, Brian. Why the board hired you back as a consultant I’ll never know.”

    Liked by 1 person


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