LADS, I’VE DISCOVERED WHY BUNGLE NEVER WEARS PANTS!

All this time I thought he was just a terrifying nudist, but it turns out there’s much, much more to it than that, as we will see in this episode, which is probably called BUNGLE: ORIGINS – THE NUDENING.

It’s probably not called that. But it should be.

This episode is really called ‘Vanishing Box’ which is what I assume Jane has whenever Bungle’s around.

Let’s begin. Geoffrey is teaching the others grifting:

Why are Zippy and George so massive? I’ve seen them in real life and they are not that massive. Perhaps Geoffrey is just really far away.

We’ll get to Geoffrey’s wizard hat in a minute.

Geoffrey successfully fools Zippy and George yet again. Yes yes well done Geoffrey. You have a superior intellect to Zippy and fucking George.

“Oh what a wonderful trick!” yells Bungle, eating an entire box of chocolates. I watched this episode with the other half last night, and all he could concentrate on was “Why is he just sat there eating a whole box of chocolates?” Pfft, it’s like he hasn’t met me.

“How do you do it Geoffrey?” asks George.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” replies Geoffrey. “In the meantime, don’t you want to know how I did my magic trick?”

“Hah, Geoffrey isn’t a magician, he’s a twat in a hat” scoffs Zippy. “I bet if we all had hats, we could do the occult too!”

“Fucking right,” says Geoffrey. “Try my hat on and see if you can magic up someone who gives a shit.”

Oh ho, I suspect Geoffrey is about to fool them again. Great job Geoffrey.

Yes yes I’m getting to Bungle and his pants.

Right, Geoffrey is going to show us how to make a wizard hat. This is going to be great lads – let’s all make wizard hats, and then we’ll all be wizards!

What are you going to do when you’re a wizard? I’m going to use my powers for good – I’m going to kill everyong who vlogs about their hair, and then I’m going to magic up some, I dunno, gift cards or something.

Gift cards for everyone!

Ok, here’s how you make a hat:

Unfortunately, there’s been a slight technical hitch with mine.

I don’t care, I didn’t fucking want to be a wizard anyway. Fucking wizards, thinking they own the place.

Moving on. Please note that Bungle is wearing trousers. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Right, now Zippy’s going to see if he remembers what Geoffrey taught him about grifting.

“Let’s see if I can do some magic!”

“What are you going to do, get Jane to want to have sex with Bungle?”

Zing.

Zippy does some Abracadabra and Expelliarmus and Osteoperosis, and the following happens:

Note how Bungle immediately covers his genitals. This is because he didn’t want the others seeing his knob flapping in the breeze.

I put it to you that Bungle was so traumatised by the whole affair that he refused to cover his genitals ever again in case the same thing happened.

OR, that he realised no one can even see his knob anyway, because he doesn’t have one. Therefore, he decided to go naked and free, as nature intended, unless the plot calls for him to wear a scarf or something.

Answers on a postcard.

Next we have Rod, Jane and Freddy in their experimantal prog rock phase:

Later on, Zippy and George are laughing at Bungle, for the following reasons:

1. He can’t do grifting.

2. There isn’t enough wrapping paper in the world to cover his fat head.

3. He’s naked, and will be naked until he dies.

4. He doesn’t have a knob.

5. The Jane shrine he keeps in the cellar.

6. He’s Bungle.

Hang on though, because Bungle is about to become as sassy as you like.

“Well I know a much better way of making this box of matches disappear!”

Please say you’re going to light them all and burn the house down.

Sadly he doesn’t do that, but he does do the next best thing:

Yep, throw the fucker out the window. That’ll learn it.

While Geoffrey is bollocking Bungle for handling matches/showing him up, we’re treated to an animation featuring a magician and his lovely assistant, Brian from accounts.

Anyway, remember earlier when Bungle was eating a whole box of chocolates on his own like me a fat pig? Turns out that was the build up to a HILARIOUS gag:

“I’ll have a chocolate now Bungle.”

“Sorry I’ve eaten them all.”

“Jesus Christ Bungle. You might not have made those matches disappear, but you can magic me into a flying rage you fat fuck!”

Oh my god, Geoffrey’s proper going to murder him isn’t he.

And on that uplifting note, we leave the Rainbow house for another day.

Lessons learned:

1. Bungle is naked for a reason so stop making fun of him being naked you heartless bastards.

2. Actually, do keep making fun of him.

3. Geoffrey and Zippy are apparently proper wizards.

4. There’s nothing wrong with eating a box of chocolates in one go.

5. Don’t throw matches out the window. Or do throw matches out the window, I’m not sure.

A special word to some donors:

Nick, Jesus thank you so much, that’s very generous of you – all I can do now in return is have a kid and name it after you. Nathan, do you want a spare kidney? I’ve got one lying around. Les: That was legit the funniest reason for donating I’ve ever had. Please don’t die bungee jumping.

If you want to chuck a quid my way, check out the donate button at the top of the page (bottom if you’re on mobile), and I’ll spend it on my expanding army, or Trios.