Rainbow episode review: Can’t pay? We’ll take it away!

Hello. This episode is all about pretending to get evicted, I think. And about what to do if your furniture is haunted.

Rod, Jane and Freddy are trying to sing their song, but Bungle is insisting on being in the same room as them and getting up in their business.


Why they have to do their song right now, in that exact spot, is never mentioned.

Then this happens, and I’m not sure what it is:


Rod, Jane and Freddy are singing about being all squashed up, like sardines in a tin. They are moaning because they don’t have enough room to do the actions, despite only needing about a square inch of space. THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE SONG.

Also, I might suggest the following – if you don’t have enough room, why not sod off back to your own house, where you live? I don’t really believe you live in Geoffrey’s kitchen. I think you just come round and squat and eat his food.

“There’s no fucking room in this fucking house!” yells Jane.

“There’s loads of room in my bedroom,” says Bungle. “But there’s only room for you Jane, there’s no room for Rod or Freddy.”

“That reminds me,” says Rod. “We need to barricade ourselves in before Geoffrey gets back. He’s threatened to evict us again, and he smells of TCP.”


However, barricading the door doesn’t stop the mighty Geoffrey.


“Right that’s it, I’m having you all killed! Especially you Bungle.”

“Me? Why me?” says Bungle.

“Because they’re having a 2 for 1 deal,” says Geoffrey. “Anyway, why was the door barricaded again?”

“We had no room, because there’s no room in this bastard house,” explains Jane. Also, you smell of TCP.”

“Geoffrey thinks for a minute. “In that case, why don’t we move all the furniture outside? Actually, we should probably just burn it if it’s taking up space.”

The others think this is a brilliant idea.

“I wasn’t serious you bunch of twats” tuts Geoffrey.


The others fail to appreciate Geoffrey’s razor sharp wit, and it is decided that they’ll move all the furniture out of the house. No word on whether or not they’ll burn all the furniture too.

“Hey I know,” says Zippy. “If we’re getting rid of all our old crap, why don’t we get rid of you Geoffrey?”

“Because I pay the bills and buy the food. You’d all be dead within the week if I left. You couldn’t even cope when I pretended to leave and came back as my own evil twin.”

What fun and bantz.


Geoffrey doesn’t mention that time he went off on a narrowboat holiday without them.

Ok, what have we established so far?

1: Rod, Jane and Freddy don’t have enough room to do their song about not having enough room.

2: The solution to this is to get rid of everything they’ve ever owned.

3: They’re going to attempt to get that table through the door aren’t they.

For fuck’s sake.


Even Sasha Grey couldn’t get such a big piece of wood through such a small hole.

They carry on trying the exact same manoeuvre for the next half an hour. I went and got a glass of milk and when I came back they were still doing it. At this point it would be easier to just move house.

“I know, why don’t we take it the other way, through the garden gate!” says Freddy.

Ok, two things:

1: That still requires getting it out of the house somehow you knobhead.

2: In one episode, Geoffrey drove his car through the garden gate, and somehow it remained intact. But I assume the car was already outside.

Right. They’ve somehow got the table through the back door, up the road, and into the next town.


“Look” says Freddy. “I think I can see France.”

This has now gone from ‘Let’s move the table into the garden’ to ‘Let’s push this table through the park, while skipping and wearing matching hats’.


Highlights of this VT:

– They are stopped by a policeman, and instead of immediately arresting them all for being weird, he just gives them directions. I’m not sure how he knows where they live.


– While they’re talking to the policeman, the table decides to fuck off on its own. Note that it doesn’t just roll away – it actually moves of its own accord, because they have the poor work experience boy in there pushing it. It goes round corners and everything.


– A postman comes along with a letter addressed to the Rainbow house, and he delivers it TO A RANDOM TABLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PARK. And then he has the nerve to be confused when the table doesn’t have a letterbox. This is why the pencil tin I bought off Ebay never arrived.


– The table sneaks up on an unsuspecting milkman, who is stealing his customers’ milk. Instead of doing that hilarious thing where he looks at the table then looks at his bottle then sniffs his bottle, he decides to chase the table.


– I think Geoffrey gets kicked in the bollocks.


– Why is Jane wearing a massive hat with BOY written on it.


They eventually catch the table by sneaking up on it. None of this is ever explained. The fact that they have a haunted table is never mentioned again.

Meanwhile, the others have been busy evicting themselves from the house. I hope it immediately starts raining.


It’s all ok though, because now Bungle has plenty of space to do this pose:


The three of them finally, finally begin to see the error of their ways, once they establish that all their shit is outside, and they want to play inside.

“It’s too cold to play outside” says George, standing outside.


I have a question – why haven’t the lot of them idioted themselves to death yet?

The table reappears out of thin air:


When Geoffrey and the others get back, they’re not best pleased to see all of their shit back in the house. Geoffrey has an attack of the vapours.


“You were supposed to be moving all this shit into the garden while we chased the haunted table!” fumes Geoffrey.

“We did, but then we realised we needed all our shit, and also it was far too cold to stand outside naked. Therefore, we moved everything back inside, including the bench from the park, for reasons we will not explain.”


And then the episode stops. It just stops. Nothing is resolved. Rod Jane and Freddy don’t get evicted and continue living in Geoffrey’s kitchen, eating his food and trying on his bras. The only thing that’s changed is that now they own a park bench.

I think the moral of today’s episode is the following: If you don’t know who Sasha Grey is, probably best not to Google her.

Barbara and JT, thank you so much for your donations. Barbara has been incredibly generous to this site, and JT is called JT, and you can’t really top that.

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