Hello. A while ago, I asked you guys on Twitter to tell me the stupid shit you were scared of as kids. The idea was to take a selection of your replies and draw them, thus bringing them to life in a horrifying vista of terror and bum shits.

However, I cannot draw. Therefore, these pictures have ended up being less than terrifying. So I’m just going to claim that this was my intention all along.

Join me in a lovely group therapy session, then, as I attempt to show you that your childhood fears were actually shit and crap.

NB: All your replies were great, but I was a bit limited by my artistic skills. Also, I had no idea how to do “the house with all the cats” or “Stan Laurel being turned into sausages”. Sorry about that.

Anyway – let’s begin!

“The sound of a flushing toilet”

“This is a weird one, but hear me out: Michael Buerk”

“The clock on the mantelpiece in my grandmother’s living room”

“Sister was scared that The Incredible Hulk would climb through her bedroom window”

“Being eaten by a big dog”

“I’ll tell you what scared me – THE CLOCK ON COUNTDOWN”

“I was scared the people on TV could also see me”

“I used to think a giant evil lion stalked the corridors when we were sent to bed”

“I was scared that when I went to the toilet, Jaws would swim up the U-bend and eat me”

“Mrs Slocombe from Are You Being Served”

“Skeletons on the landing”


“Headless men in polo necks”



Stupid vegans and pissing in a Daniel O’Donnell mug. Would you like to buy my novel? Click here then have a biscuit.

7 thoughts on “Drawing rubbish pictures of your childhood fears

  1. This post has made me remember my childhood fears! One being E.T standing behind my headboard and watching me sleep with his long stretchy neck. And the other that during the night when I needed to wee a skeleton would be sat on the loo waiting for me….that fear lasted a lot long than it should have done :(.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When I first saw Jaws The Shark as a child I was also scared he would pop up out of the toilet whilst I went for a wee!



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