There’s a channel on YouTube called ‘Kids Video Show’, and I’ve become obsessed with it. As you might have gathered from the title, it does videos for kids. On a budget of 7p. By people who have never met any kids.

Along with various interesting takes on fairy tales, the channel produces a series called ‘Tell Me Why?’, where a cat with the face of a depressed human knobs around talking to a turtle/Michelin tyres hybrid. There’s a lot of Comic Sans.

Here is a screenshot from an average episode:

screenshot

Please note the black square that never manages to go away for the whole episode, and the teacher character that’s had god knows what done to it in the name of science.

I think that teacher one is supposed to answer questions from the depressed human cat and the broken turtle, but all that ends up happening is the viewer ends up with more questions than they started with. If the viewer is me.

My main question is this: why is that cat?

Also, this question:

why do baby teeth fall

Why indeed.

To be fair, this channel does make an effort to answer questions kids might have about the world around them. You know, science questions.

mermaids

fairies

They also tackle questions of ethics.

pee in the pool

Possibly related:

well

They’re also a leading force in answering questions that no kid has ever asked, ever.

why are eggs oval

But I think the biggest question of all is this:

carrot

Oh well, let’s have a look at this episode, and find out why we use dictionaries.

Disclaimer: I am not telling you not to watch this channel. I can happily spend hours watching these bizarre yet informative videos, and I recommend you do the same.

I’m instantly going to apologise for the theme tune, which is now stuck in your head. With any luck, it’s pushed out something worse, like ‘No Way No Way’ by Vanilla, or the knowledge that you’re going to die one day.

200 years old

“Look at this building,” says the poor Michelin turtle. “This building is over 200 years old!”

Yeah well if it’s that old, how come it’s made with Unity assets? Probably.

looming

Imagine waking up and seeing these guys looming over you.

These kids are meant to be about 3 I think, but they say things like “The façade of that building is just spectacular!” My 3 year old nieces wouldn’t say that, they’d say “WANT ELSA!” x 3000.

And in the very next bit, I realise that I am not smart enough to be watching this video, because their use of unfamiliar words is the whole fucking point. Kill me now.

The tiger has deliberately been speaking like Robin Day in order to make the others go “What the fuck are you talking about mate.” Then the concept of a dictionary can be introduced. The snake wants to know about the word ‘facade’:

That’s a passive-aggressive tiger you’ve got there.

Then that cat goes “Professor, Tiger used a word – Fu… something, to describe the building.” I laughed at this because I am 12. And then I laughed at the word ‘dictionary’, because it has the word ‘dick’ in it.

Michelin turtle disapproves. I’m going to stop calling him Michelin turtle, it’s disrespectful. I’m going to call him Geoff instead. Geoff disapproves.

disapprove

Then Geoff explains that, if they’d read the dictionary from cover to cover, like all kids do, they’d know every word ever invented. Or at least they’d know the word ‘façade’.

Then the snake goes: “I think I will carry a dictionary with me everywhere.” Hands up if you can spot a flaw in his plan:

carry a dictionary

Even Geoff laughs at his lack of limbs and handbags.

Then the tiger comes back from wherever it is he’s been, and the sad cat one calls him a “braggadocio”. I had to look that up. She’s cheating – she doesn’t even have a fucking dictionary yet! And anyway she can’t read, she’s a cat.

The point is, stop making me feel inferior to household pets, I don’t like it!

This is her laughing:

laughing

Anyway, I have the last laugh, because neither of them have feet.

That’s the end of today’s learning adventure anyway, but it won’t be my last visit to the channel. I want to know why I shouldn’t have pissed in the pool.

Well?

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