I wasn’t going to review this episode until I saw the description on YouTube:

“Bungle wants to do some skipping.”

Well, OK then. Challenge accepted. Fuck any work I had to get done.

George is doing some painting. Because he is painting, he needs to wear a beret like a French man. Not pictured: strings of onions hanging around, and Jane’s hairy armpits.

1

George needs a beret and an easel because he is a serious artist.

2

Why has he done Zippy like a ladies’ toilet sign? And, to quote my friend, why is Bungle “a smeared turd with raisins”.

George’s painting is fucking rubbish, and this is coming from someone who drew this shark. I don’t care that he’s 3, that’s no excuse.

“I like painting when I’m on my own.”

No shit, you wouldn’t want people’s eyeballs falling out.

Why does Zippy have a dress on.

Anyway never mind that, because here comes Bungle:

3

“GEORGE DO YOU MIND IF I MOVE THIS TABLE BECAUSE I MUST SKIP RIGHT NOW IT’S FUCKING URGENT!”

George: “Yes I do mind Bungle, you fucking serial killer.”

Bungle is most put out.

4

“I’LL TELL GEOFFREY!”

“YOU CAN TELL HIM WHAT YOU FUCKING WELL LIKE!”

(I’m paraphrasing a bit.)

Bungle: “What’s your stupid wanky painting of anyway?”

George: “Well it was going to be of you and Zippy but I think I’ll leave you out.”

And then George paints a cross over his painting of Bungle, because that erases the whole painting apparently, and doesn’t make him look like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. Not one bit.

OK. we’ve established that Bungle is literally Hitler, and that Zippy is now the sole object of George’s weird affections. For about one second.

Zippy pops up from under the table, where he’d presumably been hiding, and he is listening to a gold ghetto blaster. This makes him all kinds of rad and good and sexy.

5

This has entirely the correct effect on George and Bungle. Bungle, who wasn’t even in the room, because he’d left in a strop. Whatever. Haters gonna hate.

6

Zippy is listening to ‘Funky Soul’, which sounds good but isn’t as good as ‘Network Gold’ on BBC WM, which I listen to on a Saturday night, and contains lines like “Now, who remembers Brian Wazz, who got to number 48 in 1977 with his single “If only I had a carrot”?

Bungle, instead of strangling Zippy to death with his skipping rope, does the next manliest thing and shouts Geoffrey, while crying a bit.

7

However, Geoffrey is busy giving zero fucks, because he’s sweeping with a broom.

8

“Ooh eee by gum it is ‘ard work down’t pit” he says. “I’m supposed to be tidying up the garden, but I didn’t realise it’s all painted on. Now I’ve got a bastard behind the eyes.”

Geoffrey goes inside for a “cool drink and a sit down”. Not “three Solpadiene and a wank” like some people I could mention but won’t, mostly because I just made them up.

Pop quiz: Is Geoffrey’s headache going to get better?

A: Yes

B: No because Bungle

C: No because Bungle, but even more

If you answered any of the above, you are wrong. The correct answer is D: No, because all fucking three of them, and also Geoffrey was in the pub ’til 12 last night.

9

However, this is mostly Bungle’s fault, because.

Bungle brings his wrath down upon Geoffrey.

10

Geoffrey: “Lads please, I had a banging night, in all three senses of the word. I need a lie down and to watch some Rod Jane and Freddy on TV, because that’s the only programme we ever get.”

Hang on. In a plot twist no one saw coming, Zippy needs to leave his radio on because Rod, Jane and Freddy are doing today’s song on the radio, even though we can still somehow see them doing this.

I’m not sure I’m going to get a better screenshot than this one of Rod:

11

I think they’ve just put out the free women. That’s why Jane looks so worried.

Then the radio switches to Classic FM with no explanation. Geoffrey decides this is too much for his poor banging head.

Zippy: “Oh please! Let me listen to Mozart’s Queen of the Night Aria!”

Geoffrey: “No, fuck off, I’m about to throw my Pernod up and I don’t want to waste all that money.”

12

The gang decide there isn’t enough room for them to do all the stuff they want to do.

There isn’t enough room for Geoffrey to have his hangover.

There isn’t enough room for George to be shit at art.

There isn’t enough room for Zippy to listen to ‘Smack My Bitch Up’.

There isn’t enough room for Bungle to do whatever the fuck he’s trying to do.

13

If only they had other rooms. If only they had, for example, a kitchen, or a bedroom, or a garden, or a music room, or a hallway, or a second kitchen, or – you know what, I did a post about this. Have a look. They have lots of rooms.

Oh yeah that was it – Bungle MUST DO HIS SKIPPING IN THE LIVING ROOM, or everyone dies.

“Oh dear,” says Geoffrey. “I can’t possibly wrangle you three divs with this bastard hangover. What are we going to do? Apart from ‘kill Bungle’, don’t suggest that Geoffrey. Wait, I’m Geoffrey. Shut up Geoffrey.”

14

OK. That’s it. I’ve had it with Bungle and Bungle being alive in general. Bungle’s reason for not skipping in the garden is that “Geoffrey’s in the garden”.

My reaction:

15

Bungle. You’re the reason I drink heavily.

Geoffrey suggests Zippy might want to use “earphones”.

Zippy: Yes yes highly fucking hilarious Geoffrey, and just where are my ears supposed to be?”

16

Geoffrey: “That’s your problem, you earless bastard. Right, now to stop George doing his shit but harmless hobby.”

Meanwhile, Bungle goes outside to continue doing his hobby:

Bungle is sick of doing activities, and wants to go inside for a story.

We get a rare glimpse of Geoffrey’s day to day hell instead.

17

Bungle: “CAN WE HAVE A STORY”

Geoffrey (in his mind): “Bungle, you’re forty fucking three, read the bastard story yourself. And stop trying to get into bed with me and claiming it’s because you’re six. Just stop it.”

Geoffrey (in real life): “Yes of course Bungle, anything to distract me from living with you. Why is your face so flat today.”

18

Geoffrey reads them a story about a squirrel, or a frog, or an embezzler. I don’t know, I didn’t listen.

Geoffrey finishes by telling us his headache’s gone.

19

“Yeah, gone until I pick up those women tonight, am I right lads? Although why would that give me a headache. I’m so confused. I hate you Bungle.”

Before we go, can I just add my voice to the thousands who are disappointed at not seeing more of Bungle skipping? This blog is rubbish.

Also, the title makes no sense. Sorry.

Fin.

If you like my blog, buy my book lads, it is here.

4 thoughts on “Rainbow episode review: Skipping Hell!

  1. The screenshot of RJF is how I imagine a slightly incestuous trio of contestants impersonating them on “Stars In Their Eyes” would have looked. All it needs is Matthew Kelly rocking up afterwards and being particularly chummy with their ‘Jane’ (played by Bungle. Who said that out loud?)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. George’s pic is fascinating for two reasons. Firstly, it’s the only picture I’ve ever seen which even attempts to depict Zippy from the waist down; and secondly because Bungle appears to have tentacles growing out of his shoulders like he’s Spawn or something, which could explain a lot.

    Liked by 2 people

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