Last time I was in Wales, I stood in a junk shop and said to myself ‘You know what would be a really good idea and definitely not a waste of money? Buying a dozen shit badges.’ So that’s what I did.
Don’t go with a stranger
The badge is right. Trust me. I talked to a stranger the other week, and they turned out to be boring as fuck and then I couldn’t get away without being rude.
The badge doesn’t say anything about not going off with multiple strangers.
Dennis and Gnasher
Some charity thing. Why does it say ‘shoes’ on it?
While we’re on the subject, shout out to anyone else who owned that hairy Gnasher badge from the Beano fan club. Quality badge.
I don’t know why Cheddar is lethal.
Cartoons and shit
Duckula, Raphael and Look Who’s Bastard Talking.
Mr Wimpy in Holland
– Let’s theme a restaurant chain on that weird character from Popeye.
– Let’s make badges of him.
– You know what says ‘quality hamburgers’? Holland!
Don’t be a Chilly Wally
What the Christ is a Chilly Wally? I have no idea, but I assume it’s something to do with that two headed gentleman.
Other than that, I can only assume this is from the ‘take your coat off indoors or you won’t feel the benefit’ marketing board.
In my ill and dilapidated state, I couldn’t think of the name of this bird for ages. My brain kept saying ‘it’s the ASDA Christmas cock’.
I paid money for these badges.
Visit a Power Station
They don’t say which power station, or why, or how you get into a power station. I imagine you can’t really just walk in off the street.
Anyway, my dad used to manage a power station, and I can confirm that all they do is mess about and try to slide down the cooling towers.
Mr Happy the Balloon
I’m a sucker for hot air balloons. I don’t mind Mr Happy either, although obviously he’s not a patch on Mr Greedy. Anyway, the main thing to take away from this is that Mr Happy looks like he has a white mullet, which you now can’t unsee.
Charlie the Monkey
Who is Charlie the Monkey? He looks like he’s having a ‘Nam flashback. If, as I suspect, this badge is from a zoo, I wonder if all the other monkeys used to bully Charlie for having his own badge like he’s hot shit? And then they’d throw actual hot shit at him. Really makes you think.