My older sister has managed to retrospectively star in two of the most decade defining photographs of all time, and somehow be more embarrassing than her snot-covered, mulleted sister. Are you ready to step into my family time machine and see the late 1980s personified? Then let’s begin.

Exhibit A


I’m not entirely sure where to begin with this picture; I think the first thing that draws the eye is the period costume. It doesn’t look like it was a particularly warm day, so I can only assume that it was a family rule that the teenagers had to wear bermuda shorts at the weekend, in all weathers.

Next, I’m not sure how to tackle the context of this photo. I wasn’t there to see it actually being taken; I’d have been somewhere in the house, playing with Barbies and trying to eat stuff off the carpet. I can only speculate on why my sister has such a gloomy, despairing expression on her face. Sorry sis, but every time I see it I start laughing. I’m only laughing out of concern, you understand. And why is she holding up that football? It’s like a lunatic came along and made her pose for this photo at gunpoint.

Finally, she’s about 13 in this picture, and she is playing with a yellow plastic football. No 13 year olds would do that nowadays, they’re too busy texting and smoking crack. I know that’s what you do, fellow kids.

Exhibit B


This was taken during one of our expeditions to Butlins in Skegness. The bermuda shorts make a welcome return, as does the tucked in t-shirt. Note that she also has rollerskates strapped to her feet. Proper rollerskates, with one wonky wheel and metal soles. Also, I can’t prove this, but I’d put money on her t-shirt featuring a cartoon dog saying “don’t worry, be happy”.

Note how deserted the skating rink is. Probably everyone else at Butlins was getting pissed in the ‘Showboat’ bar (seen in the top right corner), when they could have been outside laughing at my sister’s bermuda shorts, the fools.

I’m not sure what she did after skating, but I like to think she went to listen to some Bros on her Walkman.

Seriously, why was she holding the football like that?

2 thoughts on “The most 80s photos in the world

  1. I don’t think that backdrop in Skeggie has changed in the slightest, and if your sis were to don that costume and go again she’d probably fit right in.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wholeheartedly agree with your view on rollerskates. I had a pair of those, red lumpy wheels and metal plates which you tied onto your normal shoes. And then you stood stock still, because they had all the forward inertia of a shed and were absolutely fucking useless.

    Liked by 1 person


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