Let me start by saying that I am a big fan of food, it’s my favourite. So this episode is right up my overweight street.

The title of this episode is “S14Ep16”, which isn’t very good as far as titles go. Its other title is probably ‘Fast Food’; this is just a hunch I got after seeing the episode, which is about fast food.

Can you tell I’m wazzed off my tits on codeine?

Anyway, let’s begin. Zippy and George are setting the table for lunch.

1

“There’s no point setting the table,” says George. “We don’t know what we’re having for lunch.”

Yes but I’d say ‘some kind of food’, therefore plates is quite a good idea George. You twat. Plates are only going to be wrong if you’re having soup for lunch, or just taking bites out of Bungle.

Speaking of which, the wobbly livestock himself appears to announce that there are no potatoes.

2

“I don’t want potatoes, I want chips!” says Zippy.

“I WILL KILL YOU ZIPPY” suggests Bungle.

Bungle is missing the bigger picture, which is that there’s no food in the house, and Geoffrey has fucked off and left them alone again. last time he did that, Bungle dressed up as Superman, which somehow solved everything.

Geoffrey, meanwhile, has taken two strange kids to McDonald’s.

3

He stands there and yells (and I quote):

“NOW LET’S SEE WHAT ARE YOU GONNA HAVE SANDWICHES HAMBURGER AND CHIPS HAMBURGER WITHOUT CHIPS CHEESEBURGER AND CHIPS CHEESEBURGER WITHOUT CHIPS EXTRA BIG CHEESEBURGER YOU HAVE HAM AND EGG IN A BUN FISH IN A BUN MILKSHAKES APPLE PIES COFFEE MILK WHAT ARE YOU GONNA HAVE HEY HEY?”

Stop having a nervous breakdown Geoffrey, I don’t like it. Also don’t offer them coffee, what’s wrong with you.

Geoffrey and the kids stuff their faces, while Bungle, George and Zippy are at home starving, and have probably had to eat each other by now.

5

That tree on the wall is proper going to murder someone.

Back at home, Zippy is so hungry he’s thrown his fork on the floor. Geoffrey comes in just in time to see this crime unfold. The others are scared he will finally carry out his threat of selling them for medical experiments.

8

Never mind, because Geoffrey’s brought them some lunch! Sort of. Please note that he’s bought one load of chips between three of them, one of whom is a fully grown man/bear. Look at that burger – Bungle’s taken bigger shits than that burger. No wonder they’re always hungry.

9

While they’re eating their nonexistent lunch, Rod Jane and Freddy do a song about running the world’s most useless fast food restaurant. Presumably they run their business out of Geoffrey’s kitchen, where they live. It’s a tax dodge.

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Rod here, who somehow still manages to be a complete Chad even while wearing a yellow pinny:

10

However, even the mighty Rod can’t save the world’s most useless fast food restaurant.

IT TAKES ALL THREE OF THEM TO DO THIS:

rjf food

Gordon Ramsay would be spinning in his grave, that he probably owns.

There’s no possible way to make this restaurant worse…

11

Bungle goes to put cheese on the burger, and MISSES THE FUCKING BURGER.

cb1cb2cb3

That’s OK, I love cheeseburgers with no cheese in them and that inexplicably have a load of arse hair stuck to them.

WHO GAVE BUNGLE A JOB IN THIS RESTAURANT.

rjf food 2

After that Calpol-induced fever dream, the gang decide to open their own fast food joint. Presumably Rod Jane and Freddy will be their only customers, just like they’re forced to attend every jumble sale and variety show held in the garden.

Zippy’s not happy with the fast food set up. “There’s something missing…”

They all have a think.

“Michelin stars?”

“Food?”

“A sign that says You Don’t Have To Be A Twat To Work Here But You Are A Twat Anyway?”

13

Of course, what’s missing is chef’s hats, because that’s what they wear in fucking McDonald’s.

While they all knob around playing minimum wage slave, Bungle does his once an episode “Oh fuck, I’m 43 and I’m Bungle for a living” face:

oh fuck im bungle

Cheer up Bungle, at least you don’t work at McDonald’s.

While George is having a nervous breakdown over remembering all the orders, a random woman walks in off the street.

What the hell is that picture on the wall.

14

The woman reads a story about a witch who works in McDonald’s. I skipped it because I am in a bad mood.

After the story they all stand around pretend eating pretend burgers. Bungle once again falls into a pit of despair and ennui.

15

Bungle is right to do this.

And there we leave the Rainbow gang for another day. In this episode we’ve learned the following things:

1. Rod is a Chad.

2. HAM AND EGG IN A BUN FISH IN A BUN MILKSHAKES APPLE PIES COFFEE MILK

3.

picture

Fin.

My novel has the following things in it: He-Man, Daniel O’Donnell, lots of swears, nudists, and vegan Robert Palmer lyrics. There is no downside to reading it.

3 thoughts on “Rainbow episode review: Hambungle

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