You know how sometimes Geoffrey gets sick of everyone’s shit and fucks off, leaving Bungle in charge? This is one of those times.

Geoffrey’s gone on a narrowboat holiday with Rod, Jane and Freddy, probably in Norfuck. Great job Geoffrey – they definitely won’t do anything like burn the house down or fall for a PPI scam.

Might I remind you that last time you went out and left Bungle in charge, he dressed up as Superman and this was his version of ‘being in charge’.

super bungle

This time, he’s decided to build his own narrowboat in the garden. I think this is some kind of coping strategy, and they’re going to fill the boat with Geoffrey’s pubes and bras and sit in it until he gets back.

1

I can spot three immediate problems with their narrowboat:

1. Their boat is made of cardboard

2. They’re nowhere near any water

3. Bungle is not narrow

Heads up lads, I think they’ve just spotted us watching them. Act natural.

2

Just to be an extra dick, Geoffrey has left them with a holiday brochure, of the holiday he’s gone on without them:

3

This is to teach them a lesson, or something.

“Geoffrey saw this picture in this book, and thought he’d like to go on the boat. He said he was sorry he had to leave us at home, but that it was against the law to go on a boat while wearing a hat. That’s what he said.

Meanwhile, Geoffrey and the others are in their boat. Rod, Jane and Freddy immediately go below deck, leaving Geoffrey to learn how to drive the boat, all by himself. Surely he should have to take some sort of course before he can captain the boat?

“This lever makes the boat go forwards.”

4

Oh ok.

And then they’re allowed to just set off with no supervision. They could be pirates for all that man knows. They could be terrorising Norfuck.

5

Meanwhile, chances of Bungle fitting in that boat: zero.

6

Back in Norfuck, the pirates spend about three years getting the boat tied to the side of the canal. I’m going to skip that bit because it’s dull. What I’m more interested in is Bungle’s super homemade boat that he will manage to sink, even though he can’t get in it and there isn’t any water around.

THIS IS THE LIVING AREA:

7

I don’t care that it’s pretend, that boat is an idiot.

Zippy wisely points out that the entire boat is in danger of being swallowed up Bungle’s arse crack. Bungle replies that it’s fine because there isn’t much room on a real narrow boat. Then he spends a long time looking at the boat as if he’s thinking “Ooh, I wonder if I actually could get it up my bum?”.

8

I wonder if Geoffrey is regretting leaving Bungle in charge yet? Maybe he’s saying to the others “I should find a payphone and check they’re ok lads”. And Rod, Jane and Freddy are all saying to him “No Geoffrey, we agreed, we’re going on this holiday and if those three all die then so be it. YOU PROMISED.”

Back at home, Zippy’s on the boat, along with all his stuff. Bungle does not like this, as there is now no room for him on the boat. Implying he was ever going to fit on the boat.

Bungle sets about removing all of Zippy’s belongings from the boat:

9

Before getting into a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PART OF THE BOAT.

14

At this point I do not blame Geoffrey for leaving them alone for a week in the hope they are all killed in a PPI accident.

Brief interlude featuring my favourite ever Rod Jane and Freddy song. Listen along if you want, or just admire Rod being swish as usual.

Later on, those three are still standing in those boxes. I think they’re fully committed to having a fake narrowboat holiday, and will remain standing in those boxes until Geoffrey returns from Norfuck. Sort of like a hunger strike, but really shit.

13

Why has Bungle chosen to stand in the smallest box? We never did figure that out.

Back in Norfuck, I think Geoffrey’s just spotted a rival narrowboat crew trying to muscle in on their turf.

15

Wait no, they’re just doing a lock gate like a bunch of maritime swots. Never mind.

Let’s see how Bungle manages to make lock gates interesting and mental:

lock gate gif

Good job Bungle.

Pro tip: if you ever see a naked bear waving at you like this from a made up boat, run like fuck.

bungle waving gif

And then the episode just sort of stops. I think that was Bungle waving goodbye to the viewers, and also to what remains of his sanity. Geoffrey and RJF are eating beans, but I don’t think that’s too important. The really important thing to take away from this episode is the following question:

Why did he take all Zippy’s stuff out of that box just so he could get into a different box? What’s wrong with him?

Fin.

If you like World of Crap, please have a look at the book I wrote, or leave a review if you bought it like a lovely.

5 thoughts on “Rainbow episode review: Three divs in a boat

  1. I think I remember this one, don’t they go out of their way to show Rod, Jane and Freddy aren’t sleeping together. Freddy and Geoffrey sleep together in the bed, while Jane and Rod are banished to separate sides of the Boat?

    Like

  2. I’m still very suspicious of the relationship dynamics as regards Rod, Jane, Freddy and Geoffrey. Add in the fact that this started up in the 70s and the chances of there not being a sexual element to it fall to virtually zero.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I do feel a tad sorry for Roger, who was, as far as I know, unlike Rod and Freddy, never fortunate enough to be married to Jane. Sadly, nominative determinism did not appear to be his strong point.

    Liked by 1 person

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