Lads, look at this page of mental illness from the Mr T annual:

Mt T 1

In the spirit of ‘fuck it, put some jokes in, that’ll fill a page’, the writers of this annual appear to have never met Mr T, heard of Mr T, or even used the letter T before.

Even Mr T looks confused.


Let’s examine this seminal work. First of all, I call bullshit that Mr T would say these jokes in real life. All Mr T’s jokes would end in “Because PAIN!” and we all know that to be true.

mr t angry

Don’t fuck us about T. Consider the following:

1. You have never heard of Aston Villa.



2. You don’t call the police ‘coppers’ over there. I don’t care if you’ve been to Britain to do the Snickers adverts, this was before then.

joke copper

3. You would not endorse this joke. You would take the side of the seaweed, and educate all the bullies (fish?) about why you shouldn’t be a bully. “It ain’t smart fool!” That’s what you’d probably say.

joke seaweed

These two are cheating and lazy. You could at least have not put them together, then there’s a chance we might have forgotten the bird one before reading the pig one.

joke animals

Anyway, you know what the writers thought would be even more awesome and rad than a page of shit jokes? A second page of shit jokes, but they couldn’t even be bothered to colour this one in.

mr T 2

Ladies and Gentlemen – T2: Judgment Day.

T, you do not know what a ‘cuppa’ is, any more than you know what a pork scratching is. Stop fibbing.

joke cuppas

I don’t even understand this one. Unless it’s meant to say that the seal has been trained with a train. The seal got run over by a train didn’t it. That’s not funny. I went to Euston Station 20 years after this was published, and I’m not a seal – that could have been me.

joke seal

Now you’re telling kids how to rob ice cream vans. Great.

joke ice cream

Mr T does not know about cricket, football, or bowls. Especially not bowls. He knows about soccer and fist fighting with no good punks. Definitely not bowls.

joke cricket

Anyway, I wanted to share this with you because I am sad, and I hope that by reading it you will become as sad as me.


Disclaimer: Only I am allowed to take the piss out of Mr T. If you try to take the piss out of Mr T, I will fight you outside Uppal’s News and Booze.

5 thoughts on “Mr T tells shit jokes

  1. I can’t believe they didn’t include a joke about a dog with no eyes called Seymour that I can reference now.

    I would have said “unlike Seymour the dog, because he’s got no eyes”, and it would have been brilliant.


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