A while ago, I realised how shit/brilliant some Sega Master System box art is. I didn’t play many Master System games, but I’m pretty sure I never played games about microwaves, self aware peas, or any of the other abominations on the covers I’ve seen.
Anyway, these things keep making themselves known to me, and cataloguing them is better than doing actual work, so here are some more.
Alex Kidd: High-Tech World
“Excuse me while I threaten you outside the Eden Project.” Also, I don’t see what’s so high-tech about a fight between a guy with a sword and a guy with a hand.
If that’s not Rod of Rod, Jane and Freddy fame then I don’t know what to tell you.
As my other half pointed out: “There are no lasers. And there aren’t really any ghosts. This game should be called Drunk Skull Rapist.”
Why is there a car.
I don’t know who’s supposed to have Alien Syndrome here. I’m guessing the boy, because the alien would just call it ‘being normal’. The boy is clearly an arsehole anyway – look how happy he is to be waterboarding that poor alien who was probably just minding his own business.
“Ha ha, take that, long head!”
“What the fuck man? I’m just waiting for a bus!”
This meanwhile, is not even box art. This is a photo they took of a man, possibly without his permission. I think this for two reasons. 1: He looks a bit annoyed. 2: He looks like he’s in the middle of something quite important. I’m just saying, it’s probably not a good idea to interrupt someone when they’re busy doing a war.
This dude. He looks so pleased with himself, as if the game is ‘Speedo Posing Simulator’.
Those skeletons aren’t after him, they’re stood laughing at him. That dragon definitely is. “Lads look at this knob, hang on I’m gonna take a photo for Reddit.” Meanwhile, our guy continues to pose. He gives no fucks.
Super Kick Off
1. They’ve got multi-ball going on, which is cheating.
2. That player is giant, which is cheating.
3. That manager is looking the wrong way, which is stupid. The game’s that way, dickhead.
He’s not going to have much luck kicking people with only one leg. We don’t even know that there’s a body attached to that leg. It might just be someone throwing a leg at someone. Imagine a game where it’s just a man hitting you with a severed leg.
Honourable mention: Ecco – The Tides Of Time
I know this is Mega Drive, but come on. Ecco properly looks like he’s just robbed a Spar.