You know what’s overrated? Getting out of bed. Yet the propaganda merchants at Rainbow will have you believe that something other than disappointment awaits you. This is clearly a lie.

To be fair to them, they do immediately present the only reason to get out of bed – Bungle is in the bed with you.

1

I’d rather get up than lie there in Bungle’s piss and shit.

Meanwhile, Geoffrey is preparing to face the horrors of the day.

2

Shut up Geoffrey, you look far too cheerful for 7 in the morning. Are you not at all bothered that someone’s been filming you while you’ve been asleep?

“GOOD MORNING! DO YOU YAWN AND STRETCH WHEN YOU WAKE UP?”

No Geoffrey. I normally go back to sleep when I wake up.

“BETTER GET UP – LOTS TO DO!”

Is this ‘lots to do’ going to consist of dressing up as Old Mother Hubbard or some other nonsense.

See, this is why no one likes Bungle:

3

This and the fact that he keeps stealing people’s pubes to put on his Jane shrine.

Scratching.gif

Can someone explain to me why George has curlers in his ‘hair’.

4

Zippy is wisely pretending to be dead. Until he opens his eyes and sees Bungle looming over him, at which point most of us genuinely would die.

5

“Come on Zippy get up! Geoffrey’s coming back!”

Implying that Geoffrey’s going to murder anyone daring to still be in bed.

Geoffrey comes in to begin his murder spree. Hopefully the murder spree just includes Bungle, even though he’s the only one up.

Bungle immediately grasses on the others like a big grass.

6

“Look Geoffrey, those two are still in bed. Especially Zippy – he’s extra in bed.”

I’m guessing the plot of this episode ends up being ‘Zippy won’t get out of bed no matter what the others say, so they break his legs to teach him a lesson’.

“Right I’m going jogging” says Geoffrey, which is a bit insensitive considering he’s planning to break Zippy’s legs, in my imagination.

Then this happens:

Answers on a postcard.

Geoffrey goes out jogging, and 30 seconds later he’s back to harass Zippy some more.

“Geoffrey, why do you go jogging?” asks George.

“To pick up women of course” replies Geoffrey.

“Does that work?” asks Bungle.

“…Shut up Bungle, no one likes you and you smell” replies Geoffrey.

7

After some mild stretching, Bungle is “exhausted” and attempts to get back into bed, killing Zippy in the process.

wasted.gif

Zippy laments that he can’t stay in bed for the rest of his life. I feel you Zippy.

“We all have to get out of bed, no matter what time it is,” says George. What, why? Why do we? You three especially don’t. What’s going to happen – there’ll be no one to make a shit puppet out of a paper plate? No one to traumatise the neighbours by doing naked gardening? No one to press Dawn’s Bossa Nova button?

Meanwhile, Geoffrey has done a banging traditional 80s breakfast:

9

I’d like some breakfast, but all I have is half a bag of old nachos.

Bungle follows Geoffrey downstairs so he can grass Zippy up some more.

10

“And I tell you what else Geoffrey, he wrote ‘Geoffrey is a twat’ on a piece of paper and had it signed by a lawyer.”

So far, none of this episode has convinced me that I made the right decision getting out of bed this morning.

Here it is – proof that Rod Jane and Freddy live in Geoffrey’s kitchen! Either that or George has just broken into their house to watch them sleep. Neither would surprise me.

11

Rod has the top bunk like the alpha male he is. In reality, Rod would just have all the beds, leaving Jane and Freddy to sleep on the floor.

George grasses on Rod Jane and Freddy for still being asleep. Meanwhile, it’s time for Bungle to have his once-an-episode horrifying realisation that he’s Bungle:

12

To snap Bungle out of it, Geoffrey suggests that he should go have a crack at waking Rod Jane and Freddy up. All Bungle hears is “Why not go have a crack at Jane?” That’s cheered him up.

“HELLO JANE”

13

You would proper shit yourself wouldn’t you.

I’ll skip the song, it’s about getting out of bed. Rod goes back to sleep like the alpha male he is.

Right, this is what was so urgent is it? This is what you lot had to get up for? Sitting on a bucket, standing behind the fence, and reading a blank book.

15

“ZIPPY’S MISSING ALL THE FUN” yells Geoffrey.

“GET FUCKED” yells Zippy.

16

“I’LL READ THE STORY WITHOUT YOU” threatens Geoffrey.

“WHAT PART OF GET FUCKED DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND” yells Zippy.

“Ommmmm, Geoffrey, Zippy just swore at you!” says Bungle, like a big grass.

17

Geoffrey reads the story, refusing to be intimidated by Zippy. It is a boring story about a cat who doesn’t want to get out of bed, but does anyway, thus proving… something.

Look at this – it’s like The Sweeney but shit.

18

Anyway, it turns out that Zippy had been listening to the story while he was in bed, and he enjoyed the story very much. Hang on, so he didn’t miss the story? Even though Geoffrey explicitly said he would if he didn’t get up?

Right let me get this straight. The whole point of today’s episode was ‘Zippy’s going to miss the story if he doesn’t get out of bed’, and then Zippy stayed in bed and still heard the story? So what is that supposed to teach us? That actually it’s OK to stay in bed for the rest of your life because you won’t miss anything anyway? What? I’m so confused.

Fin.

Lads I have a Patreon with extra stuff on it

One thought on “Rainbow episode review: While you were sleeping

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