Here are three stupid things I’ve done:

1. The other day I spent ten minutes looking for something that was in my hand.

2. I was in my 30s before I realised the outdoor bits on Rainbow were filmed indoors.

3. I once needed help opening a bin because I thought it was robotic. It wasn’t.

Given this, it warms my heart to know that there are other idiots in the world. Back in the day I used to collect mental questions people had asked on Yahoo answers. If you’re unfamiliar with it, Yahoo Answers is like Quora, but for people with steam coming out of their vaginas (I’ll get to that).

I stumbled across my collection the other day, so I’d like to share some of my best findings with you. I might attempt to answer them, I might not. Depends how much wine I drink.

bra

Answer: Do what I do – own one bra, never take it off. Occasionally find Hula Hoops in there.

caps lock

Answer: I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THIS AS WELL PLEASE.

Crack

Answer: HELP I’VE STILL GOT CAPS LOCK ON.

he is gay

Answer: He is gay.

number 10

Answer: Because it’s foreign.

war

Answer: You’ve answered your own question there buddy. They’re scared of wae.

fish

Answer: What am I, the fish police? Anyway, my sister has two fish, so no.

todd

Answer: Well?

india

Answer: You were the only one going to St Ives.

arms

Answer: You have confused your arms with your sleeves.

facebook

Answer: No, because why would you admit to still using Facebook.

steam

It’s nature’s way of keeping you warm, and also cooking asparagus.

meddle

Answer: I would answer this but I don’t want to meddle in your affairs.

nicki

Answer: Go ask Todd. Get back to me.

service

Answer: Drink more wine.

Fin.

I have a Patreon guys. Extra stuff (including Rainbow Comics), and parcels of crap sent to your house. Not literal crap.

Well?

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