I’ve written a few posts about my inability to do anything that involved any physical skill, or any sort of skill. This story sums up that ineptitude nicely, and you also get to laugh at my hair.

As a child I could never do handstands, cartwheels, or anything that involved being upside down/not being a moron. That didn’t stop me trying; like a plucky little soldier I never gave up. And one time, my lovely parents decided to capture the experience for posterity. Let me guide you through my epic tale – “Some useless kid tries to do a handstand”.

1. The journey begins


Look at the determination on my deluded little face. There I stand, rubbing my hands together with confident glee, safe in the knowledge that I’m definitely going to bloody do it this time, despite having failed the previous 4000 times.

2. The dramatic build up


Yay, I’m doing it! I’m actually doing it! I have up to one leg up in the air already! Nothing can defeat me this time! I am so glad my parents had the foresight to capture my moment of glory on film, I shall show this moment to my grandchildren! I’m so proud, I, I…

3. Peril!


Oh wait, no. It ends by me falling on my face, as usual. My parents still took the photo. I’m surprised they managed this, since they were undoubtedly laughing so much. And they also changed angles, for no apparent reason. Look at it – I fell so hard on my face that I actually made the sand around me explode.

4. Conclusion


And – she’s ok! Back to my plucky little self, probably about to attempt the whole bloody thing again. I’ll definitely manage it next time. (Spoiler alert: I won’t.)

5. Epilogue


Even though my face just sand-exploded, I am chipper. I suspect my parents have just offered to buy me a hot dog. Or someone has just said “piss”, which is the funniest word imaginable when you’re 5.

My Patreon has lots of extra stuff on it, as well as being able to join a gang called the Pissy Bandits.

2 thoughts on “The failed handstand: A photo story

  1. There’s a photo of me coming last by about 20m in a race on school sports day somewhere. The most embarrassing part is how everyone else is running properly and my arms are flapping all over the place. My dad eventually had to give me a lesson in what to do with my arms when I ran as I somehow missed that memo.

    Liked by 1 person


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