I’m a bit obsessed with old coin-op rides. For a mere 20p, you can have the thrill of sitting there and going up and down, or round and round. Sometimes you even get to sit next to a celebrity like Postman Pat.

While there are some rides that are quite rightly considered classics (more on that here), there are others that are… less nice. These rides cost 20p and your immortal soul.

Warning: Try not to read this sober. Or at all.

1. “Help, kill it with fire”


Why is it in an office.

2. Conjunctivitis

crying donald

I don’t know why Donald rides always manage to be creepy. Maybe this Donald knows, and that is why he’s crying.

3. Pyramid Scheme


Either he’s trying to scam you or he’s just farted in a lift.

4. Alice Cooper

emo donald

Seriously, what the fuck is Donald’s problem? Mickey Mouse never has this trouble.

5. Mickey Mouse


FINE I STAND CORRECTED, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW. Is he in the car park at Moto services?

6. Portal to Hell

hell lion

Look at the hellbeast, mocking you and your choice of cardigan.

7. Dirty Harry

make my day

“Just try it pal. Try sticking a coin in there and see what happens. Ya punk.”

8. PikaCthulhu

pikachu 2

Gotta kill ’em all.

9. Abomination

ride of death

You can hear its laugh in your head. Tell me I’m wrong.

10. Abandon all hope

rosie and jim

Look at their cold dead eyes. “Come on then, sit on us, let’s get it over with.”

11. The nightmare before Christmas


The only time kids pray Santa isn’t real.

12. Papa Lazarou


What the fuck is wrong with his mouth.

13. That face

that face

That face.

14. “I know where the bodies are buried”


“Burning people can be fun.”

15. Kill your speed

speed camera

Is that car being humped by that speed camera?

16. “Oh Christ I’ve left the gas on!”


Finally, a chance to ride the world’s most worried horse.

17. Loch Nope Monster


He’s getting off on being on fire.

18. Hellephant


See, this is why I drink.

I wrote a book if you’re interested.

2 thoughts on “18 terrifying coin op rides


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