I’m a bit obsessed with old coin-op rides. For a mere 20p, you can have the thrill of sitting there and going up and down, or round and round. Sometimes you even get to sit next to a celebrity like Postman Pat.
While there are some rides that are quite rightly considered classics (more on that here), there are others that are… less nice. These rides cost 20p and your immortal soul.
Warning: Try not to read this sober. Or at all.
1. “Help, kill it with fire”
Why is it in an office.
I don’t know why Donald rides always manage to be creepy. Maybe this Donald knows, and that is why he’s crying.
3. Pyramid Scheme
Either he’s trying to scam you or he’s just farted in a lift.
4. Alice Cooper
Seriously, what the fuck is Donald’s problem? Mickey Mouse never has this trouble.
5. Mickey Mouse
FINE I STAND CORRECTED, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW. Is he in the car park at Moto services?
6. Portal to Hell
Look at the hellbeast, mocking you and your choice of cardigan.
7. Dirty Harry
“Just try it pal. Try sticking a coin in there and see what happens. Ya punk.”
Gotta kill ’em all.
You can hear its laugh in your head. Tell me I’m wrong.
10. Abandon all hope
Look at their cold dead eyes. “Come on then, sit on us, let’s get it over with.”
11. The nightmare before Christmas
The only time kids pray Santa isn’t real.
12. Papa Lazarou
What the fuck is wrong with his mouth.
13. That face
14. “I know where the bodies are buried”
“Burning people can be fun.”
15. Kill your speed
Is that car being humped by that speed camera?
16. “Oh Christ I’ve left the gas on!”
Finally, a chance to ride the world’s most worried horse.
17. Loch Nope Monster
He’s getting off on being on fire.
See, this is why I drink.