This episode is all about crying if someone laughs at you or calls you a dickhead. As you know, it is never OK for anyone to ever laugh or take the piss out of anything.

Let’s begin with Geoffrey’s new jumper.

1

If you laugh at Geoffrey’s shit jumper you are a bigot. So don’t do that.

“Jane’s given me this sweater! Aren’t I lucky to get a present like this!”

Implying that A) That was originally Jane’s, and B) Geoffrey has never used the word ‘lucky’ in a sentence before.

Geoffrey eventually realises that Jane has given him her old jumper, and that it’s too small and covered in piss and shit.

2

“Right I’d better go show it to Bungle, Zippy and George!”

Geoffrey, what do you think is going to happen? Do you think they’re going to leap for joy at your new women’s jumper? Bungle, obviously, will want the jumper for himself, so he can complete his Jane ritual.

Meanwhile, Zippy and George have decided to bully Bungle for the afternoon , because he won’t immediately drop everything and play I Spy with them.

4

“Stop calling me Bungle Bonce!”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll smash your face in, that’s why. Also it hurts my feelings.”

Thanks to Bungle’s refusal to immediately stop painting, Zippy and George decide to hide his paintbrush.

The inability to find his paintbrush, and the knowledge that Zippy and George have outsmarted him, makes Bungle cry. Bungle is an 8ft tall giant bear.

6

Nevertheless, it’s hard not to feel sorry for Bungle here, even though he is a big twat. All he wanted to do was finish his shit painting.

Zippy and George eventually say sorry for being bastards, and Bungle forgives them. Bungle, have we learned nothing? You should not forgive people, you should eat them, as God intended.

The least we should expect is a training montage from you, before you get your revenge:

training montage

What actually happens is that Bungle decides to do a 4 piece jigsaw with Zippy and George. George asks if there are any corner pieces.

Right, remember Geoffrey’s shit jumper from earlier? He’s decided to wait until now to show it off.

I think we can all agree that this is the greatest moment in Rainbow history.

Geoffrey prances around for a while. “Do you not notice anything different about me?”

Then they notice.

9

“Zippy do you like my jumper?”

“No.”

“George, do you like my jumper?”

“No.”

“Bungle you like it don’t you?”

“HERE LET ME HELP YOU TAKE IT OFF”

10

Oh Bungle, you’re so funny when you’re trying to molest people.

Geoffrey goes off for a cry, because someone has criticised the shit jumper someone else made. Maybe they’ve been putting HRT in the water or something.

George saves the day by suggesting that “Fuck Geoffrey, let’s build a tower.”

Just as they’re getting to work, Jane comes in to gloat about her ability to force Geoffrey into accidental transvestisism.

“How are you guys? Notice anything different about Geoffrey? Asking for a friend…”

“Well since you mention it Jane, some idiot has given Geoffrey a woman’s jumper. It made him cry. What kind of absolute death-pube do you have to be to give him this load of shit?”

12

This makes Jane cry, as it should, because she is a bad person and she needs to learn.

The gang tell Geoffrey about their hilarious sick burn when he comes back.

13

“YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING IMBECILES! And cunts.”

“What?”

“OK lads, pop quiz. Who do think gave me the jumper. Was it A) Jane, B) God, or C) Peter Sutcliffe.”

“…”

“For fuck’s sake. Jane gave me the jumper.”

14

“I’ll never understand how you three made it to… however old you are.”

Meanwhile, Jane has gone to grass them up to Rod and Freddy.

15

Instead of offering to firebomb the Rainbow house, as Jane was hoping, Rod and Freddy do a song at her. The song is about not being such a crying, period-having woman, because you don’t want to end up like Bungle.

Not sure what Freddy’s doing.

16

After the song, Geoffrey turns up to grovel.

“I’m so sorry Jane, they didn’t know you made it. It’s still a shit jumper though.”

“Yes it is a shit jumper. I was just being overly sensitive, because that’s what this episode is about.”

After Geoffrey leaves, Jane advances on Rod and Freddy in a threatening manner.

17

Right. In the time it takes for Geoffrey to get home and read the guys a story, Jane has somehow managed to knit an entirely new jumper for him. This is how time works in the Rainbow cinematic universe.

I’ll be honest lads, there’s nothing I can say going forward that can’t be summed up by Geoffrey’s face:

18

So I guess I’ll leave it there. In this episode, we’ve all learned that mocking people for their shortcomings is hilarious. Also that Jane can’t knit, which is an important lesson to remember in your day-to-day life.

Fin.

Loads of extra stuff on my Patreon if you fancy chucking a quid in the pot.

2 thoughts on “Rainbow episode review: The Crying Game

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