Fiendish Feet was the yoghurt of the cool and happening kid in the early 1990s. Much better than its rivals, the mediocre Munch Bunch, the shit Petits Filous, and the even shitter Ski.

fiendish-feet-yogurt

As you can see, the pots were a thing of beauty, each having feet and the face of various terrifying monsters. Needless to say, these pots now go for hundreds of pounds on Ebay. I assume, I didn’t actually look.

We decided to have a crack at making our own, and we’ve included step by step instructions so you can follow along at home, if you’re a bit strange.

You will need:

– Yoghurt pots
– Glue
– Sellotape
– Paint
– Odds n Ends
– ROUND ENDED SCISSORS
– Gin

Step 1: Get some yoghurts

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We went with these ones from the local shop, because to be honest we weren’t going to go all the way to the supermarket just for this stupid idea. They were nice though.

Step 2: Eat the yoghurts

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This was the easiest part. The idea is that once you’ve eaten the yoghurts, the pots won’t have yoghurt in them any more. Obviously wash them out, unless you’re some sort of scrubber.

Don’t ask why we’ve now got 6 pots and not 4, we just have.

You might want to start drinking your gin round about now.

Step 3: Paint your pots

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You might want to ask a grown up to do this while you drink some more gin, if you’re shit at painting like I am. As you can see, we went for terrifying colours, like black and red. And purple.

Step 4: Attach some feet

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This is where your odds and ends come in handy. Obviously we don’t have a load of miniature feet lying around, because we’re not god damn serial killers. As you can see, we managed to make some decent feet out of pipe cleaners, bits of Lego, and a couple of tampons we found in a drawer.

We were quite surprised at how well this bit turned out, considering it’s us. They even sort of stand up, with the minimum of assistance.

Step 5: Decorate your pots

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Since we’re making ‘Fiendish Feet’ and not ‘Delightful Feet’, we decorated our pots with unholy and terrifying abominations:

Twitch Thot

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Scary because you might accidentally pay her £10,000, and then the bailiffs will come round to your house and she’ll still never have sex with you, you idiot.

Blue Screen Of Death

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Terrifying if you have unsaved work.

Nuclear War

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To make it extra scary, I wrote ‘boom’ on the explosion, just so you know it’s an explosion.

Internet Explorer

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This was Alex’s idea. I asked him why Internet Explorer was such an unholy abomination, and this was his reply:

alt-text-broken-blocked-image-email

Hitler

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The scariest man in the world. We tried to make him less scary by adding googly eyes, but to be honest that just made him look 10 times worse.

Channel 4 Ident

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No explanation necessary

Step 6: Finish your gin

The gin will help with having to look at the horrors you’ve created, and also with the realisation that you’re 36 years old and you’ve just spent an afternoon doing this.

Fin.

If you’d like to help support this nonsense, check out my Patreon for loads of extra shit.

2 thoughts on “How to make your own Fiendish Feet

  1. I love everything about this idea.

    (Incidentally the other night I left a comment on your movie tie-in novel post about Robocop and I meant it as a recommendation to watch Robocop, but I’m worried it came off as more of a sarky passive aggressive thing. It wasn’t, it’s just that I really like Robocop and it does get misunderstood a lot. The first film is good, anyway, every other one is crap. This paragraph has the name “Robocop” in it too many times.)

    Liked by 1 person

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