Lads.

Lads.

LADS.

Look what I bought:

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Why I bought this is at present unclear, but here are a few theories:

1. I am mental.

2. I was allowed on Ebay.

3. I am mental.

Whatever, this more than makes up for the time I saw Fashion Wheel in a charity shop and didn’t buy it.

I present to you – a vintage ‘prize every time’ Lucky Egg machine!

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If you want to hear the full story of how this came to be in my possession, here it is:

– Lockdown
– Charity shops shut
– No opportunity to buy shit, what do?
– Browse Ebay
– Drink wine while browsing Ebay
– On phone to dad while drinking wine while browsing Ebay, get into conversation about old amusements in Ingoldmells
– “Hmm, I wonder, just out of curiosity”
– “DAD, DAD, THERE’S ONE FOR SALE AND I CAN SORT OF AFFORD IT!”
– Dad drinking whiskey while I’m drinking wine while browsing Ebay
– “BUY IT BUY IT BUY IT. NOTHING CAN GO WRONG.”
– Dad is always right.

I regret nothing.

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This originally came from Mablethorpe, so there’s a good chance my mullet-haired, snot-covered younger self might have had some eggs out of this back in the day.

Let’s have a closer look. The chicken, who I have named Alan, informs us that she can shit out prizes for us.

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These include a dice, some jewellery, and, for some reason, a haggard old turtle.

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I haven’t won the turtle yet, but I’ll get to that.

Meanwhile, let’s spend 20p!

If you grew up in the 80s/90s, and went on holiday to the British seaside, chances are this sound would have followed you around for the duration, along with the music from the ‘Rock n Roll’ and ‘Rio Carnival’ 2p machines. Or that fucking awful ‘Candyland’ grab song.

Beautiful, isn’t it. It was even better when I had to hit it to get it to work.

And what’s more, we won! Apart from the times where we didn’t.

Never mind that, because 99% of the eggs had a prize in them, so we can put that down to an administrative error. Or Alan being in a bad mood that day.

Here is the result on me spending £1.20 of my own money, that I will never remember to get back:

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Are you excited? If you are you’re a div.

Let’s examine my haul.

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– Two gold pirate doubloons, not to be sniffed at. Possibly worth up to 00000.3p in real money.

– Two shit rings, neither of which fit me, because I am 36 years old.

– A star shaped… thing.

– Two temporary tattoos, one of The Flash (citation needed), and one of… I think it says “Zap”? It took me ten minutes to realise it wasn’t just yelling “Sap!” at some poor guy.

There are still about 50 eggs left in Alan’s bum, and I’m sure we’ll end up getting them all out of her in time. Meanwhile, if anyone wants to buy some shit prizes, hit me up. Apart from the “Zap!” tattoo, I’m totally having that.

The real point to this post is that now I own a Lucky Egg machine. That automatically makes me the best.

Fin.

12 thoughts on “I bought an 80s Lucky Egg machine

  1. It is a very dangerous path to go down, I found the exact same deluxe Enduro Racer arcade machine on eBay I used to play at a holiday camp in Scratby as a kid, £200 later and it’s been annoying my family with it’s huge size ever since 😀

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      1. It’s on the Norfolk coast: not so much a resort, more the place where holiday dreams go to die. Just down the coast is the equally grim California – possibly the most inaccurately-named grot-hole in the history of leisure breaks.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. In all fairness Dom, California entirely consists of a pub, a chip shop, a bingo room that’s been closed for decades and a cliff.

        Hemsby is a little better, far more entertaining if you pretend you’ve stepped into a time bubble and entered a holiday resort permanantly stuck in the 1980s.

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    1. Wait a minute… thinking about this… Pac-Man looks like an egg, the chicken sounds like Pac-Man and lays eggs… The chicken is Pac-Man’s mum! OMG!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “Here is the result on me spending £1.20 of my own money, that I will never remember to get back”

    Just use it as a giant novelty piggy bank. You’ll have a fortune come Christmas, assuming the plague hasn’t got us all by then.

    Liked by 1 person

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