I’m watching this episode blind, so it might be about a lost pencil, or it might be about the Suez Canal, who knows. Let’s find out!
Right, it’s 4 o’clock in the morning, which is when everyone in the Rainbow house gets up. You can tell it’s 4 o’clock because we just heard a cock. Ignore the stupid shit clock on the wall, it doesn’t tell the time because it’s just drawn on.
I hope this isn’t a George-centric episode. Those are always the hardest to write about, since George is nowhere near as entertaining and pubic as Bungle.
George immediately pops up from behind the counter, which suggests he’s been there all night. “Hello” he says, like anyone gives a fuck.
Where’s Bungle, I want to take my rage out on him.
They’ve built an entire bastard shop in their living room.
What is any of this.
OK, pop quiz:
1. Are Rod, Jane and Freddy going to be their only customers?
2. Do they have a trading license?
3. Is Bungle going to be wearing a jacket but no pants?
Place your bets now.
I am immediately wrong on at least two counts.
Bungle that is not how you hold a basket.
Bungle: “I need some soap and some toothpaste, and a birthday card for a friend.”
Let me just stop you there Bungle.
A: You’ve never had a wash.
B: You don’t own teeth
C: You certainly don’t have any friends.
I see. I think this episode is all about LARPing as Uppal’s News & Booze. That stuff on the wall is presumably supposed to be copies of ‘Big Dinnerlady Wazzers XXX’.
Oh I’m partly right. This episode is actually about living in the country, where there’s only one shop, and the rest of the time you have to forage for your food and marry your sister.
To demonstrate this point, Geoffrey goes to visit his friends who live on an allotment.
They only have one shop in their settlement, so they all mooch over there to try and steal mars bars while the woman isn’t looking.
The woman is too busy wishing she could escape the settlement to take any notice of them.
Not entirely sure why I’ve decided Geoffrey’s run off to join a cult in Alaska. In reality, I think this episode is just about ‘not living in London’.
Back to the plot. The gang have a chat about how people in the country have to wipe their arse on leaves because they can’t get to a Tesco.
For reasons known only to him, Bungle decides to approach Geoffrey from behind in a very threatening manner while Geoffrey’s talking about mobile libraries:
This is never explained.
Geoffrey goes home, ignoring the fact that he’s already at home so where the hell is he going. He is replaced by Rod who just cannot help being a Gigachad:
BUNGLE THAT IS NOT HOW YOU HOLD A FUCKING BASKET.
“Hello Mr Bungle” says Rod.
“Hello Newman” mutters Bungle.
Seriously, how does Bungle manage to convey such emotion?
“I’ve just popped in to stock up on extra large condoms” says Rod.
Later on, Freddy wants to put a poster up in the shop.
“Come and see Rod Jane and Freddy down on the farm”. No date, no time, no clue as to why you should come and see them. Is it fair to suspect they’re the local dealers? or maybe they’re just lonely.
Nope, Freddy confirms it’s a sex ‘n’ drugs festival:
Also, don’t put your poster up in that shop where you three are the only bloody customers.
Because they are the only customers, the shop shuts early so they can all go see Rod Jane and Freddy.
Spoiler alert – it’s not really a sex ‘n’ drugs party, it’s a song about working on a farm. I was nearly right. No idea what that sly wink from Freddy was about though.
Well, that’s it for today’s episode. I guess the moral of the story was ‘there is only one shop’. Also, ‘if you want a banging good time no questions asked, go see Rod Jane and Freddy, wink wink’.
I’m so confused.