Hi gang, welcome back to the World of Crap make and do corner. I call it a corner because I like to sit in it having a nervous breakdown.
Today we’re making this affront to God:
It’s Bungle, except he also flails.
What you do is you stick the page onto some card, then cut out Bungle’s limbs using ROUND ENDED SCISSORS, and then you somehow have to remember where the limbs go and put them back on Bungle. Why we are urged to do this is never explained.
You will need:
- Glue
- Cardboard
- Something fucking sharp (I’ll get to that)
- String
- ROUND ENDED SCISSORS
Pinio GrijPinio gropingo gring- Wine
Method
Right. I did that first bit OK. I stuck it onto card.
Cutting out the bits after was a bit more challenging, because I hadn’t glued down all those bits, so I had to re-glue them. Never mind, I got there eventually.
I was this far into cutting this bit out when I realised you weren’t supposed to cut this bit out.
If you’re making along at home, now is the time to drink your wine. Trust me.
What the fuck are these bits supposed to be? Spares?
Now comes the hard part, where you might want to ask a grown up to help you. You need to poke a hole in each of the marked areas. I tried using a pin, it bent. I tried using another pin, that bent too. Then I tried using Alex’s gimpy swot pen that turns into some sort of screwdriver:
After about an hour, I had holes in everything, including my soul. Pretty sure a make and do for 3 year olds isn’t supposed to be this difficult and crumpled.
This next bit is where I entirely blame Rainbow Comic and not my own stupidity.
“Use pieces of string to put the puppet together”
Great. Any advance on that? No?
Fine.
It went downhill from this point.
I swear to god I actually tried to put this bastard together properly, but here we are:
It didn’t help that Alex was laughing at me the whole time and calling me a bellend.
The finished puppet:
I blame the good people at Rainbow Comic for giving me crappy vague instructions, and also Alex for laughing at me. At no point do I blame myself for failing to complete a project from Rainbow Comic.
In my defence, it was fucking hard. You had to poke all the holes in it, and they never told you how long the string was supposed to be.
It doesn’t even flail about like it’s supposed to.
Fin.
It’s after midnight as I write this, and I just thought I’d say that the slow reveal of the stringing process reduced me to near-hysterics. Hopefully I haven’t woken anyone up.
What Rainbow Comic omitted was that you had to use paper fasteners in the holes to attach the bits together, and then tie strings around the fasteners. Five in all, four for each limb and then one more for the head. The strings for the arms apparently go on the hands, the other two go on the knees. I keep giggling as I’m writing this, I’m sorry.
At first I thought what you identified as spares (the upper legs) were big hairy eggs, from which Bungle and the rest of his kind hatch from.
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Oh god I should have known, they were always calling for those mythical ‘paper fasteners’. Now I just have a depressed anorexic Bungle puppet.
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That’s truly the stuff of nightmares.
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