You know who loves Mr T? Everyone. You know who else loves Mr T? Shoddy merchandise companies in the 80s. And, for some reason, Aston Villa (I’ll get to that).

Since you’ve got nothing better to do, why not have a look at some cool, hard and rad Mr T stuff with me? And when you’ve finished doing that, remember to eat right and stay in school, or whatever.

Literature

mr t book

Such as this classic, ‘The Best Bike Ever’. I’ve never managed to actually read this book, mainly because I’ve never bothered buying a copy. However, we can deduce from the cover that the story is about Mr T nicking some girl’s bike.

He looks so pleased with himself.

Knock off figures

knock offs

I found these objets d’art on Ebay. The one on the left is presumably Mr T from that time he starred in Threads, and the one on the right is immediately going to start sassing your taste in lipstick. Not sure why he has binoculars round his knob.

Money box

money box

I mean… why? Why does it have to look like something Indiana Jones would try and steal?

Where’s its legs.

Shit jokes

joke pages

In the Mr T Annual, there are a few pages full of jokes that have fuck all do do with Mr T, because the writers ran out of ideas and needed to fill some extra pages. This is how we ended up with such crackers as:

“What football team do the others love to lick? Aston Vanilla.”

Yeah, if by ‘lick’ you mean ‘punch’. Also, I’d bet a hundred quid that Mr T has never, ever heard of Aston Villa.

“What is red outside, grey inside, and very very crowded? A London bus full of elephants.”

My fucking sides.

Soap

mr t soap

Not just soap, but an entire soap collection, since I found a different T soap on Ebay, on which he has giant legs for some reason:

SOAP2

I wonder what it smells of? I’d guess at milk and PAIN. And lily of the valley.

Also, imagine using that Murdock soap on your fanny, when he has that look on his face.

Pencil topper

PENCIL TOPPER

State of its bloody eyebrows.

TR-3 resin glaze products

TR3 badge

I saw this and assumed it was a joke. It is not.

At some point T advertised this random car polish, and you can find all sorts of rad Mr T/TR-3 crossovers:

I’d kill for that hat. Do you hear me? Kill.

Calculator set

Argos 1984 phones mr t calculator

For doing sums like “What’s 7 x 3? PAIN!” and “The square root of FOOLS is YOU!”

Also for stabbing your enemy with the compass.

Costume

COSTUME 1

This doesn’t look too terrible until you see the body part:

COSTUME 2

It’s a bin bag. It’s a bin bag with a picture of Mr T drawn on it. I could have fucking done that myself. This better have originally cost a quid.

Activity books

color books

This isn’t such a mental idea. I mean, how hard is it to actually mess up a colouring and activity book?

mr-t-3

OK, well at least the stickers are rad:

COLOR2

Especially the one that inexplicably says “I heard that!”

We also have a terrific make and do, where you make ‘misc’ using a disgusting glue/bread mix:

COLOR3

Why is Mr T telling us to stick bread to things.

I’m going to go drink gin now.

If you’d like to help support the blog, there’s more stuff on my Patreon. Can’t guarantee it’s any good. 

7 thoughts on “Some weird Mr T shit I found

  1. I tried to get a Mr T in Welsh solving stupid problems cartoon off the ground last year but S4C didn’t want it, the bastards. True facts.

    Like

  2. Pencil toppers are great, because it’s always like you’re shoving a pencil the size of a post box up someone’s bum. Mr T is about the only one who gets the expression believable.

    Like

  3. There’s something kind of depressing about calling the joke pages ‘T-Breaks’. It’s like ripping you out of the L.A. underground or South American banana republics and dumping you in Milton Keynes.

    Like

  4. This all reminds me of a Viz story about Mr. T going mental and making castanets out of Paul McCartney’s testicles. The headline read:

    CRACKERS BARACUS TURNS MACCA’S KNACKERS INTO CLACKERS

    Like

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