You know those episodes where Geoffrey manages to fool the others and is really pleased with himself, despite the fact that the others have a combined IQ of 9? Those ones are the best. Case in point – the one where Geoffrey left the room and decided to come back in AS HIS OWN UNCLE.

This is one of those episodes, and it is brilliant.

We begin with a knock off C3PO and R2D2 working in a cafe, for reasons. Malcolm Lord (not Bungle at this point but will go on to be Bungle) is their only customer, and they still manage to bollocks his order up.


I want to know which set they stole those robots off.

Anyway, C3PO calls R2D2 “silly”, which as we all know, means ‘blithering cunt’ in the Rainbow universe. Malcolm Lord thinks the robots are calling him a cunt, at which point he makes his excuses and leaves.


This is all kinds of fun and japes. I’m having a banging time lads.

Anyway, back in the Rainbow house Geoffrey tells the others to please tidy up because he’s going to get the tea ready. The others give no fucks.

I’m not sure what George is reading, but judging by Geoffrey’s expression, it’s ‘Ginormous Wazzers Monthly’.


“Come on I’m not fucking about” says Geoffrey.

Again, no shits given.

“Come the fuck on” says Geoffrey.

“What we need is a robot to tidy up for us!” says Bungle.

“What you need is a slap” mumbles Geoffrey.


“Fine, starve, see if I care” says Geoffrey, and leaves them to it.

This means Bungle can get on with his jigsaw, which he’s currently struggling with. Please note that this is a 4 piece jigsaw, Bungle only has one piece left to put in, and he is struggling. And that he is a big pubic idiot.


Right, brace yourselves lads, this is where it gets good.

Are you ready?

Are you sure you’re ready?

OK then. After Geoffrey goes upstairs to sulk, this is the genius plan for revenge he comes up with:


Let’s just take a minute to appreciate this majesty. Geoffrey has stormed off upstairs in a huff because the others wouldn’t tidy up. While he was upstairs, he made an entire robot costume out of cardboard boxes that he just happened to have in his bedroom. He now plans to return as a robot, and he will tell the others Geoffrey had to “suddenly go out”. Question mark profit.

Look how pleased with himself he is.


The best thing about this entire plan is that the others will fall for it, just like they fell for “Uncle Bill Grumpy”. Geoffrey knows this, and I suspect that’s why he allows them to keep living in his house.

Meanwhile, Bungle’s not as stupid as he looks – he’s figured out they can just go get their own tea. Although he still hasn’t finished that jigsaw.


Carrying on with the theme that ‘they’re not as stupid as they look’, their first reaction when Geoffrey comes in is just “Oh, it’s you Geoffrey.”

No, that is unacceptable. LOOK AT ALL THE TROUBLE HE’S GONE TO:


He’s even managed to put reverb on his voice.

After a fucking hour of doing this, he finally manages to convince the others that he’s not Geoffrey, and that he is a real life robot. By this point he’s starting to think he shouldn’t have fucking bothered.


Right, now it’s time for Geoffrey’s Master Plan Part 2. He goes round tidying everything up.


Hang on. I thought Geoffrey was doing this whole thing because the others wouldn’t tidy up?

Consider the following:

– My flatmate never does the washing up, I’m sick of it.

– I know, I’ll pretend to be a robot and do the washing up myself!

– That way she’ll start doing the washing up.

– Why will she?

– Well, she’ll think we’ve got a robot now.

– And that will make her start doing the washing up how exactly?

– Look just fuck off.

I suspect Geoffrey is rapidly approaching the same conclusion.


This is why he orders the others to go to bed, despite it being 4 in the afternoon. Once they’re in bed he doesn’t have to carry on with the robot bollocks, which was a stupid fucking idea anyway, he should have just gone to the pub.

“Can we at least have a story?” whinges Bungle.

“Do not be stupid Earthling, robots cannot read human words, and anyway your stories are boring and gay” responds Robot Geoffrey.


Hang on.

Hang the fuck on.


Geoffrey’s bad guy exposition speech from earlier took place in Bungle, George and Zippy’s bedroom. Which means Geoffrey went to sulk in their bedroom instead of his own.

What is any of this.

Plot twist: Bungle, George and Zippy manage to fool Geoffrey – when Geoffrey’s looking the other way, Bungle leaps out of bed and fucks off to get Jane. Not because Jane can help them or anything, he just wants to smell her hair for a bit.


Imagine the shame of getting fooled by Bungle. You’d never be able to show your face again.

Meanwhile, this is what Rod Jane and Freddy are up to:


Don’t ask.

Did you ever see that episode of 321, where Pan’s People or similar pay tribute to Space Invaders through the medium of high kicks?


When they’ve finished doing that, Jane comes round and reads a story. The story is boring, and anyway I’m trying to get this load of shit finished so I can go watch the League 2 playoffs.

Geoffrey turns up (as Geoffrey) with their tea, because he’s not actually a monster who wants them to starve. If they actually died, he wouldn’t be able to fuck with them like he does.


“Geoffrey thank god you’re back from that trip you had to mysteriously take. There was this knobhead robot in charge, and he made us go to bed!”

“We should have poured Fanta into him.”

“Even better, we should have set him to do a Windows update.”

“You know what Geoffrey, he looked a bit like you, but he didn’t talk like you…”

At this point Geoffrey starts doing his robot voice again.

Many hours pass…

“Oh Geoffrey it was you all along!”

Again, look how pleased with himself he is.


Well, I guess the moral of today’s story is, erm, if you want someone to do something, dress up as a robot and do it yourself. That’ll learn them.


If you’d like to help support the blog, there’s more stuff on my Patreon. Can’t guarantee it’s any good. 

2 thoughts on “Rainbow Episode Review: RoboCrap


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