Recently, Alex has been acquiring some old games (completely above board, don’t even worry about it). Anyway, because I’m stupid and a div, naturally I’m more interested in the boxes than in playing any of the games. This is especially true of the Commodore VIC-20, with its enchanting selection of oil paintings, terrifying memes, and pictures done in an Etch a Sketch.
Join me on a magical journey of racist eggs, sex pests, and bottles of piss…
Bandits
“Help, help! This… TV is trying to steal my… fruit. No officer, I’ve only had a few ales…”
Chuck Norris Superkicks
To be fair that is a pretty super kick. He’s managed to break own leg in at least eight places.
Clowns
Hands up who wants to sleep tonight? Tough shit.
This is like that meme – “They laughed at my hair. I laughed as they died.”
After some more thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is actually the main clown remembering all the other clowns he’s killed. Not sure why there’s an arrow on his head.
Superslot
Right I know what’s happened here. This guy (let’s call him Steve) has been mooching round in this casino all morning, trying to cop a feel of the waitresses and generally being a dick in everyone’s business. He’s just finished asking “Who wants me to stick my coin in their slot?” when all the staff, as one, decide they’re sick of his shit and throw all their gambling bric a brac at him.
Steve gives no fucks.
Personal Finance
Come on, I think we all know what this is really:
No further comment.
Gorf
You’ve spelled golf wrong, dickhead. Why is there an exploding wine bottle full of piss.
Jelly Monsters
Do you remember that cursed abomination of a Humpty Dumpty from the Kinder egg advert? Imagine he’s just told a really racist joke to that green one. That green one’s going to have something to say about it on Twitter, you can be sure of that.
Protector
“Don’t worry lads, I’m here!”
“Oh fucking hell he’s back. Please stop kicking us in the head, you’re not helping!”
“No it’ll be fine this time lads.”
Meanwhile, our hero doesn’t seem to have noticed that 28 people are getting abducted by that spaceship. He’s more bothered about ‘accidentally’ kicking those guys in the head.
Squish ‘Em
Don’t you hate it when you’ve just moved into a brand new MFI shelving unit, except the estate agent failed to mention that it was full of octopi, and ghosts trying to drop bricks on your head. I swear to God, that’s the last time I use Rightmove.
Fin.
World Of Crap 
Took me a while to realise that Personal Finance one wasn’t a really boring version of a sim game. And the faces on those jelly monsters are creeping me out worse than the clowns.
LikeLike