This episode is about two things:

1. Having wind
2. Getting your cock stuck

Let’s begin. The gang are in bed, but they can’t sleep because they’ve just heard a terrifying noise.

1

Pop quiz. Have they just heard:

A) The wind
B) A murderer
C) Four ghosts

If you answered A, congratulations. You are clearly familiar with the Rainbow house, and the gang of fucking wet wipes living in it.

“Is it Geoffrey?”

“No, it’s coming from outside.”

Implying that otherwise it definitely would be Geoffrey stood outside the room doing wind impressions.

How have they got to however the fuck old they are without hearing the wind before? George wonders if the noise is Bungle, despite Bungle being awake and right next to him. My page of notes for this review contains the phrase “Wind = Bungle”, heavily underlined.

Things go from bad to worse for our brave protagonists, because the window SLIGHTLY OPENS.

2

I didn’t notice until uploading this, but that curtain does actually look like a ghost, which shows how much I know.

Zippy and George hide under the quilt. Bungle can’t hide under the quilt on account of being the size of Asda. There is only one thing for it – get Geoffrey!

Geoffrey comes in. “On my shit!” he yells. “The window is slightly open, which as you know means certain death for you three!”

3

“Because I am going to murder the three of you for waking me up,” he adds, in his mind.

The next morning, everyone’s exhausted.

4

“I didn’t get any bastard sleep last night” remarks Geoffrey.

“Neither did we” replies George. “It’s such a shame we had to get up early to… for… wait, why are we up early?”

“Because, you blithering smackhead, we’ve got stuff to do,” says Geoffrey.

“What stuff?”

“Well I’ve got to do that job I sometimes claim to have, which involves looking at a clipboard and tutting.”

“In other words, we could have stayed in fucking bed,” fumes George.

“No,” replies Geoffrey, “because if I’m going to suffer, you three are going to suffer with me.”

5

Then they all have a nice chat about where wind comes from. Spoiler alert – the answer is not immediately “from Bungle”, like it should be.

Also, I know I promised someone getting their cock stuck. I’m getting to that.

After five minutes of Bungle, George and Zippy failing to grasp the concept of ‘weather’, Geoffrey laments that he’s at home with them instead of being in hospital with bum sepsis.

6

Geoffrey’s spirits are soon restored, however, when Bungle produces a party blower from, I don’t know, up his arse, and proceeds to blow it in Zippy’s ear. If Zippy had ears.

What bantz.

7

“Stop it Bungle or I’ll blow you away!”

Sadly, Zippy means that literally, not in the ‘I’ll put a cap in your ass’ sense. Attempts to physically blow so hard Bungle dies are unsuccessful, so Zippy consoles himself by telling Bungle he’s too fat to be blown away.

Then Geoffrey recites a poem, full of questions like ‘What makes your flaps flap about’ and things like that. “Well?” he asks the others.

“The wind!” says Zippy.

“The wind!” says George.

“The rain! Shit, wait…” says Bungle.

Never mind, because now it’s time for Rod to stand there being a gigachad.

8

They’re singing a song about how extreme prudence must be used when considering quantitative easing. For a song about QE, it contains a surprising number of verses about how it’s windy.

9

“Whoops sorry Jane, the wind blew my crotch at you.”

Giga. Chad.

Also, not sure why they’re in a white void. Alex suggested that the wind blew reality away, and so far I have not been able to refute this.

Right, are you ready for the bit about getting your cock stuck? Here it is. Today’s story is about the impressively named ‘Cocky the cock’:

10

Don’t accuse me of clickbait, because that would imply you genuinely thought the story in Rainbow would be about a penis, and no one wants that.

Anyway, the cock gets stuck and needs oiling. Geoffrey finishes by asking “Do you have a cock on your church?” My sides.

Later on, Bungle and Zippy want to go play in the wind. At least, that’s the plan, but I suspect Bungle has just noticed the man operating Zippy.

11

He decides it’s not important, so they go outside to do whatever the fuck this is:

wind credits

And since the end credits were on that bit, I might not need to tell you that this is the end of the episode. I will anyway, in case you’re stupid.

So, what did we learn today? Well, I think the most important lesson is that Wind = Bungle. Also that an 8ft bear is scared of weather. Also, Bungle wrote this episode, and the story about the cock.

Fin.

2 thoughts on “Rainbow episode review: Gone With The Wind

  1. As a doctor, I’m often asked about Bum Sepsis, thankfully uncommon outside settings where zoonosis is a risk, though no less any laughing matter. I’m a little surprised RJF didn’t front a campaign on it as it would certainly be more entertaining than Lord Ashcroft’s efforts.

    From a non-medical perspective I do wonder if the ghostly curtain was the inspiration for ‘Pipes’ of Ghostwatch fame?

    Liked by 1 person

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