Lads, my second book is out soon:
“On the run from Andi Peters and QVC following a misunderstanding about cruises, Melissa begrudgingly agrees to attend the Edinburgh Fringe with her best friend Joanne, and Joanne’s 17th century throwback ‘life partner’ Fax. While leafleting for Fax’s dreadful hippy stand up show (“If doctors are so good, how come they never use rose quartz. Am I right?”) Melissa partakes in the delights and horrors of pretentious student shows, ‘street typing’, accidentally starting queues, arguments about Brian Clough, and the fact that her shop has been left in the hands of someone who doesn’t understand tins.
Perhaps she was better off in the hands of the Teleshopping Mafia…
Excerpts from Crap Comedy:
“If the phone rings again I’m going to steal a car and run myself over with it.”
“I start wandering away from the city centre, and the billions of people trying to tell me about ‘free five star comedy’ yet again. When will these fuckers learn that I hate them and wish for them all to be bummed to death by Les Dennis.”
“That’s it. That’s fucking it. Today is not going well. I’ve been rained on, and shouted at by a man in a dress, and then I had all my money stolen, and now the King of the Hipsters is sitting here typing specifically to mess with me and annoy me. I march up to him, feeling like it’s a boss fight.”
“Dear Mr Peters,
I am writing to complain about your shoddy lack of customer care. As the Prime Minister of QVC, you should have known that I didn’t really want to buy a YoNanas, and you should have sent me something I did want, such as your delicious pies.“
“I nearly crack my head open on a beam within three seconds of entering this bar. It’s a repurposed coal hole. “What’s this place called again?” Joanne rolls her eyes. “God, The Dictator’s Dick!”
“Fax has broken the TV. Now I can’t watch Loose Women, just in case I ever get brain damage and want to watch Loose Women.”
Crap Comedy, coming very very soon to many places that sell books.