Can anyone spot the deliberate mistake in this episode? That’s right, the gang have come to the launderette to do some washing, implying more than 25% of them wear any clothes ever.
Anyway, here we are, washing Geoffrey’s soiled tights and bras. But oh shit – Geoffrey’s forgotten to bring any washing powder! I mean, so have the others, but Geoffrey’s the only one without a room temperature IQ.
“What the fuck are we going to do now?” wails Geoffrey.
Zippy senses his despair, and decides he doesn’t really give a shit. “Geoffrey, can I have some chocolate out of the machine?”
“You’re not helping Zippy.”
“I’m not trying to help.”
But then Geoffrey looks over to the machine in question. “Oh well done Zippy, that’s just what we need to do the washing!”
“Chocolate? Don’t be an idiot Geoffrey, there are already enough brown stains on our washing.”
Now then, in the list of fictional washing powders, ‘Bubbs’ is up there with ‘UBERWEISS’ and ‘Shite Away’.
The plot gets even more exciting when the machine takes his money and doesn’t give him any washing powder, like a fucking conman.
“Perhaps the manageress is in?”
Shhhh Geoffrey, you’re not allowed to say ‘manageress’ any more. You have to say ‘washerwoman’ or ‘laundry slag’.
“Oh fuck, now I’ve got no more change for the bastard machine. I tell you what, this is the EU’s fault.”
“What’s the EU?” asks Bungle.
“You are, that’s what, now mind your own business,” says Geoffrey.
George comes to the rescue – he has some money in his toy till that he apparently carries everywhere with him. It’s not even relevant to the plot, George is just an arsehole protesting the ‘cashless society’.
Do you think Bungle’s going to take his bear suit off and wash it?
Next we have half an hour of the gang watching Geoffrey’s tights and bras going round and round and round and round and round x1,000,000,000. Geoffrey is so demoralised by this point, he can’t even be bothered to tell Bungle he’s adopted.
You’d think it would have occurred to one of them to bring a book, or a pack of cards, instead of a bloody toy till, but here we are.
“I’m bored Geoffrey, I’m going to kill myself if we don’t do something soon.”
That’s not Zippy saying that, it’s me.
“Let’s have some chocolate,” says Geoffrey.
I thought this bit was going to be about the chocolate/washing powder machine from earlier, with hilarious consequences, but no. Apparently there’s just been a load of chocolate on the counter all this time, and no one noticed. Especially not me. This is why I am an expert in my field.
Not sure what Bungle’s emotions are at this point, apart from ‘Oh shit, I’m still playing Bungle aren’t I’.
300 years later, the washing’s ready! This is brilliant, because it means we can move onto a plot that isn’t ‘washing Geoffrey’s bras’.
Oh wait, now they have to go in the dryer. As you were.
Oh no, Bungle’s just spotted the cameras:
Quick, everyone look busy.
“Geoffrey, is that Jane over there?”
“No, that’s Tandy.”
Another 300 years later, the clothes are dry. Seriously lads, I had time to go to Aldi while their clothes were drying. Admittedly I paused the video, but still.
George has become hypnotised by one of the washing machines. “I wonder where Rod Jane and Freddy are?” he says, as if they’re all in that washing machine having a Persil-fuelled orgy.
And speaking of Rod Jane and Freddy – this song is an absolute banger. Presented in its entirety:
Anyway, I knew the answers to the song:
- DJ decks
- Casio keyboard
- Hand grenade
Meanwhile George, in a fit of idiocy only previously matched by Bungle, has daydreamed so hard he now believes Rod Jane and Freddy really are in the washing machine. Either that or he heard me laughing at him through the TV.
Do you remember my earlier statement about the washing being dry? Turns out that was wrong, and their washing STILL ISN’T BASTARD READY.
“Why don’t I read you a story while we’re waiting?” says Geoffrey.
“Why didn’t you tell us you’d brought the story book before, you bra-wearing bastard” demands Zippy.
“Because fuck you, that’s why” suggests Geoffrey.
Once the washing is finally, mercifully done, the gang are foiled once again by Geoffrey’s inability to get the dryer door open.
Look at Bungle helping.
Since there are no staff in the entire launderette, it looks like they’ll be forced to live there forever, subsisting on the rest of the chocolate and whatever ‘Bubbs’ washing powder they can scrape off the floor.
Given this, I think the moral of today’s story is ‘who left the launderette unattended’. An armed gang could come in and steal all the machines, and who’s going to stop them, Bungle?
Actually, ‘Bungle fights the organised launderette crime gang’ is a brilliant idea. Nobody steal it.