Anyway, this masterpiece has been sitting in the boot of the car for six months:

I’m not sure what Strike Force is. I assume it’s like Parcel Force, but with more guns and perps. And now I own an annual of it, which I’ll use to smack burglars round the head, as soon as I’ve finished doing the wordsearch.

Because, of course, there’s a wordsearch.

Anyway, let’s meet the Action Force team, or whatever it is.

DICK ‘THE KNEES’ JOHNSON

FILTHY BARRY FROM THE NONCE SQUAD

JOHN

CLIVE BASTARD

BETTY FROM ACCOUNTS

I think this is the team they send in when people call 999 because they can’t find the TV remote.

There are lots of comic strip adventures in this annual, where Parcel Force go round solving crimes, shooting crims, and ‘misc’. Here’s a selection of the stuff that I feel should come under ‘misc’:

Meanwhile, I’m not sure why Clive Bastard is doing the ‘soy face’ from 4chan. Perhaps he’s just bought a new Funko Pop and he’s excited about it.

So, there are comics and stories. I’m not going to cover the stories because they’re a bit dull, and anyway I can’t read. Let’s just say that the gang all smash up hardened perps, and Betty from Accounts makes the tea. And then they all deliver parcels.

What I’m really excited to show you is the collection of filler material. There’s a good haul of ‘fuck it, that’ll do’ pages in this annual, starting with the obligatory joke pages:

I had to read this one about five times before it made any sense. There’s a typo at the end; they meant to write ‘you’re mad’. I fucking am now.

I’m also upset because they’ve broken with annual tradition by not including an Aston Villa joke that makes fuck all sense. If it’s good enough for the Mr T annual, it’s good enough for the Bastard Squad annual.

Moving on – we’ve got a board game!

Yes I know I haven’t scanned it in properly. What are you going to do, call Parcel Force and get me arrested?

The object of the game is as follows:

  1. Make at least one friend.
  2. Convince them to play this board game with you.
  3. Save a priest from ‘the rioters’ by moving round the board, and they don’t even tell you which way to go.
  4. The winner is the first one to go do something else.

Now it’s time to test your ‘paying attention’ skills:

What you do is have a look at the picture, then cover it up and answer questions about it. If you get stuck on a question, just go back and have another look at the picture. They’ll never know, they’re fictional, and not real police.

I’ve saved the best for last. Are you ready? It’s wordsearch time!

I got the words ‘murder’, ‘foosh’ and ‘joppies’ before I gave up because I’m tired. Why not see if you can beat my score. I’ll be really impressed.

Anyway, that’s it for the 1983 Strike force annual. Hope it’s persuaded you not to do a crime, or something.

Fin.


2 thoughts on “Strike Force 1983: Stop doing crimes please

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