9 sayings that are complete balls when you think about them

More so than ever, the world is just a bunch of people going around saying things without giving a second thought to what they mean. My dislike of words is widely documented across the world wide internet. Googling my name and the word “words” yields endless results, all of which are me ranting like a drunk racist at a darts match.

(editor’s note: darts is ace. Slag off darts again and I’ll cut you)

It’s true that the internet is made up of people knowing they’re talking shite but doing so regardless. Alas, these people are not my issue. Truth be told, I only really use the internet for two things and both of them involve pornography. Online shit-posting has never bothered me because its sole purpose is to wind somebody up; however, the phrases mentioned here are supposed to be well-meaning advice. When someone compares you to Hitler because you haven’t completed the new Batman game, they’re just trying to sand your ass crack. When someone tells you to “follow your passion”, they’re making assumptions about your life, your responsibilities and your happiness.

I often find it difficult to keep my mouth shut when someone says something stupid (call me old fashioned). And while this goes a long way to help explain why I’m unemployed and have no friends, I believe such outbursts are necessary in order to facilitate a better world. Good intentions are all well and good, but at some point good intentions turned into ridiculous out-of-context fairytale phrases which, for some reason, people often still take as gospel.

For example:

1. Age is just a number

Baby-driving

Age is just a number? No shit, dickhead – so is the speed limit. So is the legal age of drinking. Do you know why there’s an age limit on drinking? Because giving whiskey to three year olds would probably kill them. There is nothing on this earth which is “just a number”, because things are numbered for a reason. Saying that age is just a number means you are perfectly happy for a four year old to operate power tools. Sure, it says ages 18+ on the packaging but if age is just a number, who cares? Continue reading “9 sayings that are complete balls when you think about them”